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I'm at a loss...any advice?

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. Have had a long distance relationship for 1.5 yrs now. We have been through A LOT together and our love has stayed strong. But we feel like whenever we have a great plan…something AAAALWAYS has to pop up and ruin it. Now, we both don’t know if we want to leave our families. We are 22 hrs away from each other. Now he may not be able to stay in school bc of money situation and that means he has to go live with his mom and get a job. We feel like its not going to work…but we love each other a lot!! I feel like weve been distant from each other lately. It just feels like our relationship is crumbling. Idk what to do..I’m so lost. Should we break up..go on a break..see other people. OH I don’t know!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:18 PM on Apr. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • if you are even considering seeing other people and having a break, then yes !!! you need to do that now! before marriage and kids. If you are meant to be together, you won't find anyone you care to date, and neither will he. But if there is even a tiny doubt about staying together, you owe it to yourself and him to be sure that there is no one else. Have the break & see what happens - if it is destiny then you will end up together , and if not, then you won't waste years trying to hold on to something .
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 10:22 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Yeah you’re right. I feel like hes too nice to end it though. Otherwise it would have been over 2 weeks ago. We keep going through “what do we do..” stuff. It’s so back and forth and ugh. And what really happens in a break? Bc we tried that…but didn’t work bc we kept talking to each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:30 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • myheartx4 could not have said it any better. I agree 100%. And you cannot stay with someone just because they are "too nice". Infact that should be the one thing that makes it the easiest. If he cares about you I am sure he will understand. It sounds like he is going through quite a bit right now having to quit school and move back home so he may need the break as well to get things together.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 10:33 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I think that if you both really wanted to work it out and you could not be without each other than he would do what ever he could to get a job or both of you could find jobs so that you could stay together. If your living in an apartment ask the leasing office if you could please move in to a less expensive unit than what your paying now. If even one of you isn't willing to do what it takes to makes this work than it's time to just move on. Relationships are not easy they take work but are usually always worth it. When two people love each other and want to be together they will be. If it's not worth the fight then move on.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:35 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Seeing other people would be a big jump for ones that are in love, and have a few minor or large obsticles together. I think now more than ever this is both of your chances to come together, work together as a couple to pull through, to find a way through the tangles. In the end it'll strengthen your relationship. If you just call it quits because things are tangled and because you don't know what to do... you could risk loosing a great future, and risk it becoming a pattern in all future relationships.

    My advice is now more than ever do what couples do, and work together to find a way. Communicate, brainstorm together. You can do it! : )

    Good luck!
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 10:39 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • OP here- my question is are relationships supposed to be THIS hard? :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • We’ve tried for a year and a half. I’m constantly brainstorming about how do I move there? Can I get a job there? When will I go see him? Saving money to go see him? Am I gonna end up moving there? Can I leave my parents? What about daycare..I don’t have any one down there. This has been a constant issue ever since he moved. Things have been tangled since he moved. And we put things on the backburner all the time hoping that things will change. And it just seems to get worse. The only thing I can think of at this point is just seeing him every couple of months like I have been till he graduates (2 years). That will be a total of 3.5 years of long distance. He doesn’t want to live with me for a couple months and get a job. He wants to stay in Dallas and get a job there. I’m like this could be an answer to our problems! But no.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Ralationships are hard, but if you are feeling like it is TOO hard, then it is! You can't change the facts that it would extremely difficult for you to move there, and he is unwilling to move to where you are, even after he graduates Yes it is important that couples cling together, but ... being "too nice" isn't a good reason to stick at it. Can you see yourself with him in 20yrs time? Can you imagine sleeping with any other man? can you give up everything for him? Are you sure you want to? You should be able to work through some minor or major obstacles, but it sounds like it is one huge obstacle in itself. If there is already no compromise from him as to where he is willing to seek work after graduation, you are not being given any option other than give up your entire life & move to be with him. That is an awful lot to give up, and hope will work out, based on a relationship which has been long distance for most of the time
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 10:53 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

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