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do you as a SAHM feel you have lost your identiy?

this is not a ranom question. the other day i was talking to my friend and i came to say something like what are you going to do with all your free time now that the boys both will be in school full time next fall. and her reply which was kind of surprising was "i can feel like leslie again". it just surprised me. anyone else feel this way. i am not a SAHM so i have no idea. i know its hard now that i have a little girl on my own because i am a single mom. i know i have changed but do u think your identity is lost a little. just curious.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:41 PM on Apr. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • I was a SAHM for just the first 6 months after my son was born and it didn't even take me that long to feel like I was losing my identity. I love being mommy and I enjoy being the primary care giver for my son and he will ALWAYS come first, but I need more in my life than just motherhood. I need to feel like I'm being productive in other ways. I could give a hoot about other's who chose to stay at home forever but me personally - I'd literally go insane and probably fall into a severe state of depression.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • No I don't feel like my identity is lost. I do admit that a lot of people just call me Nyk's mom or Aidan's mom when I go to their school. I'm still myself but I have things that I have to do for my family. I don't think I've lost my identity but it has changed because I have changed. I still do a lot of the things that I enjoy doing I just don't do them as much.

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 10:49 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • i agree with the first poster. im a stay at home mom, & im young also - 23 next month. i love my son, & i value our time together so much, & i wouldnt rather him be with anyone besides me (my mom also), but sometimes i really start to go crazy. i feel like im not me anymore, i cant do anything i used to do, or like to do, its like im just his mom. im here to rock him, change his diapers, feed him bottles, feed him food, play with him, bathe him, put him to sleep, etc. etc. thats all i do. thats my entire life. it really depresses me sometimes. im dying to just get a job, or hang out with my friends, go on vacation, go to the gym, anything.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:56 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Personally....once you have a child you are NOT the same person. At least, to me if you are a good mom, you just cannot go back to being the you before. It will not matter when my DD starts school, I will still be this new MOMMY-version of me. I dont think it has anything to do with staying at home.

    I myself though think i have actually FOUND myself since becoming a Step-mom and Bio-mom. I am much happier when I am busy with kid things and running my home. I am more myself than I have ever been previously. Yes there are difference in who I am from before, but i would never trade being a mother with anything. I love it! It is the greatest reward for me.

    I do wish that I had a little more time to do things with friends not related to kids and have conversations not about kids, but that is something I need to work on....

    Answer by aly38914290 at 11:09 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • No. Chosing to be a SAHM was part of my identity and I was happy with that. I had time for myself and friends and my husband too. I see no problem with being a SAHM unless you need to work to help with the finances.

    Answer by gertie41 at 11:18 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I feel like I found my identity for this time in my life. There was a time when I traveled a lot and loved it. Then we got married and I was so bored being in one place all the time! Marriage really screwed with my identity. Well, I still did some traveling, but I wasn't the same foot-loose and fancy-free single girl anymore. It was just a new phase in my life, and when I had a kid, I felt like I really reached the climax of my identity. I still long to travel (as a family) and I don't like where I live, but I don't feel like I've lost my identity.

    Answer by Adelicious at 11:26 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I had my oldest DD when I was 17 so I've had to figure out who I am WITH children. I think it's been beneficial but also I know that I need 'Rachel' time too or else I'll go crazy. I started school because I need something for 'Rachel'. I need something for the young 24 year old woman inside me - something that isn't 'MOM'. I don't think my identity is lost - especially since I become more and more aware of how I am and I've become a better person because of my kids. I do understand the sentiment though.

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 1:01 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Yes and no... Part of me feels like I found more of myself, another part feels like I lost my "youngness". I am only 21 and have been hanging out with the other parents at church and stuff, but they are all 10 years older than me. I do love them all to death though. But I finally got to talking with the college girls and am glad. I need to hang with them too... I will be going back to school this fall and I need people on both ends of the spectrum. I feel like I haven't used my "intellectual" me much for awhile, and I need some of that. I have used my creative stuff and and know I want to be a SAHM til my son goes to school in a few years. Then I want to work 3/4 time. So I guess I lost my "carefree, do what I want when I want" self, but I would never trade it for my son! He is my life!

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 1:05 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • op, thanks ladies for your answers. i agree with saying is a different identity. i am a single mom so i am a different version of me. its great. i think its just a different phase of my life. different identity. thankfully i have school and other outlets. mommy always need time for herself no matter what sahm or wohm. . we all are women first.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I don't think so. I mean I am Deliah's mom but I am still me. I love being Delilah's mom and whens he is older I will be just Brittany again, and that's OK.

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 12:36 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

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