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emotional abuse?

My husband is emotionally abusive. He calls me names. screams at me, punches holes in the wall when I'm standing by it, to scare me (I don't think he'd ever physically hurt me but when he does that I wonder), put a gun to his head twice, and threatened to kill himself if I leave, and other things. I want to file for divorce, but I am terrified for our daughter. We have a 3yr old. I'm worried if we divorce he'd get at least partial custody, and what if he starts acting towards her the way he has to me? I can't prove anything he's done so I doubt a court would hold custody from him. Any ideas on what I can do? I want to remove myself and my child from the situation, but if he'd get custody, then it seems like the best thing I can do is save so at least I can protect her when/if he gets angry.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Apr. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • set up some cameras

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Please get help and get out of there ASAP. Do you have a good friend or family member you can stay with. Emotional abuse that you're describing sounds like it could become physical real fast. Get yourself and daughter to a safe place, call the police and get a restraining order against him and then call a lawyer. Please don't go anywhere alone. This doesn't sound good at all. Please get away from him!!!! And don't go anywhere alone.

    Answer by Callie140 at 11:54 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Contact the womens advocacy center in your area. Google it. I'm sure there is something... just "abuse hotline/center for _____ (town or county)" they can give you advice and will tell you flat out what to do, what to expect, and get you OUT!

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 12:33 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Document every incident. Call the local domestic shelter and talk with them. They can advise you on your options and a plan on how to remain safe while getting out. The longer you stay the more you reinforce to your dd that this is how men should treat women. Having her grow up thinking this is normal is the reason I left. I didn't want that for my daughters.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:27 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I agree that you should contact a shelter or domestic abuse hotline ASAP to find out what they think you should do. This situation could easily escalate. If he puts his gun to his head again, call 911 and have him put on 24 hour suicide watch. Then it will be documented that his behavior is unstable and crazy. You don't have to do this alone. Get help right away.

    Answer by beckcorc at 9:23 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • If you are concerned for your daughter then you need to leave as soon as you possibly can. This will only escalate and get worse. Do not wait for him to actually hit you. I know it is scary and you think the courts won't believe you if you have no proof. Honey, I went through this back in 1985 when no one believe battered women and there was no help. But I left anyway and he tried to get custody. They will do mandatory mediation where a third party will try to help you come to an agreement. DO NOT agree to anything other than what you want. Just because you are in mediation does not mean you have to agree to the terms. It will then go to the judge and belive me, the judges are smart and they can see right through the crap your husband is pulling. No, he will not get joint custody. He may get visitation but you can ask for supervised visitation. Also once he gets visitation he may not (continued)

    Answer by TarLion at 12:58 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • (continued) even stick to the schedule and eventually it becomes too much work for them. He probably really don't want visitation with the child, it is just another control he has over you. Once you leave and file for divorce and even though you are scared on the inside, you don't show it on the outside and everything he is doing to you backfires on him, he loses that control. Please please please leave this guy and file for a divorce. Go to a shelter, go get some counseling, get some support for yourself. But please, get out and start a new life for yourself and your daughter. It's tough but you can do it. I did it - so can you!

    Answer by TarLion at 1:01 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • i agree get out, also document document document, there was a case in california i think it was where a mom left the dad and told the courts of scarey bad behavior such as threatening to kill her if she left and threatening to kill the child threatening to kill himself etc well courts gave him unsupervised visits and he killed himself and the baby, this story was on dr phil, but maybe you should look up the info to have something to back you up in court ya know? (i mean with the documentation of what your dh has done and said in the past) and this may sound horriable but if you have to run and hide with your child do it! see if you have a sparcc in your area they will help you leave

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 2:59 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • National Domestic Abuse Hotline- 1.800.799.SAFE (7233

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 1:14 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

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