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What would you do if you just found out your 14 year old daughter was having sex

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 AM on Apr. 26, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (30)
  • Anon :57....I think that intellectuals tend to over think things and think that there are more academic soluttions to the issue at hand. I have, like you, raised a few children. I have 4 sons between 18-23 and in the past 10 years have talked to over 100 teens about many different topics. Trust me when I say that handing teens bc IS a license to have sex. Not one of them said that it would mae them think to NOT have sex, it wwould be the go ahead TO have sex. The teens I saw who became teen parents were the ones with working parents, the ones with parents who said that after 15-16 they could be out until whenever and the ones who didn't encourage their children to be involved in sports/clubs. Ditto for the teens I saw dropping out of school before 18, using drugs and getting in to trouble with the police. This is a small communitty with graduating classes between 30-45 students. Everyone knows everyone. Teens need structure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Flip out.
    Hit the roof.
    Then calm down and talk to her.
    Take her to the gynecologist. Talk about birth control. Find out why she thinks its ok to be having sex at such a young age.
    Gealach

    Answer by Gealach at 1:21 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • send her to her room...go have a cigarette..call my mom...then go and talk to her..lol

    then again, depending on how i found out, i think i would react differently...if she came and talked to me about it beforehand...i would feel wonderfull, knowing that she trusts me enuff to talk to me about it...(theres no way i could have ever talked with my mom about that kinda stuff)
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 1:27 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • BUST HER ASS THEN HAVE A CIGARETTE AND THEN HAVE A TALK WITH HER OR YELL AT AT HER TILL U TURN BLUE !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Get her birth control immediately Do not stick your head in the sand right now!!!
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 1:39 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Keep better tabs on her, ground her, NOT put her on birth control because every SINGLE TEEN I know (and I know MANY becausse I have conversational relationships with all of my sons friends, male and female) says that IS an automatic license TO have sex (eriously, every one of them says it's the same as saying "go ahead, have fun") and re-assess my parenting because something is lacking to make my 14yo turn to boys for attention.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • First of all, anon above me; Noone needs to let her know she needs to "re-assess" her parenting. She may be a perfectly good parent, and I would be willing to bet that if you went to the teen moms group, many of the women there would be happy to tell you that their parents did a fine job of raising them. Also, putting her on BC would not be a license to have sex, and this may be a specific group of kids you are speaking to. It is STATISTICALLY proven that a teen will be more likely to refrain from sexual intercourse after having done so, speaking with their parents, and being put on birth control. Oh yea, and it is also statistically proven, that birth control can prevent pregnancy. I would be willing to bet that if there is a chance her daughter will be having sex again anytime soon, she would rather her be on the pill...? And OP, I am actually doing my clinical/residential work for my PhD right now, and I would like to (ctd)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • (ctd from above) think that my education (being that I am obtaining a PhD in Child and Adolescent Psychology) has provided me with some sort of educational knowledge on this subject. Of course, we cannot ever know exactly what will help in this situation, and you have to trust your mothers instinct! But, if I were to give you any advice at all, don't scold her. Instead, give her an open door to talk to you about this, (you may find out more to the situation!) and tell her that you understand that some girls her age are experimenting, per say. Then, after you have LISTENED, educate her. Give her the statistics, ask her if she is ready for the risks, and tell her how serious a problem she could face with those. Let her know that in ten years, she will wish she was older and waited, and most of all, let her know how important it is for a woman to respect herself. I wish you the best of luck Momma. Be there for her! :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Anon :03 here I answered the question based on if it were ME (which is what the ? asked) & I would re-assess my parenting. I didn't say the OP should. I answered WHAT I WOULD DO. You know because the ? is "What would you do if you just found out your 14 year old daughter was having sex.". That is what I would do if it were ME.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • My point is, anon:03, I would assume that since the OP decided to ask this, she is seeking some advice. So, do you feel she should blame her parenting in any way, or take care of the situation? Since we are speaking of what YOU would do...would you actually blame your parenting for a choice such as this your daughter makes? I don't know about you, but I am confident enough in my parenting to realize that I cannot protect my children from everything, & at some point I have to realize that there are environmental/peer factors as well. What we can do, is protect them by letting them know we are there for them. This mom is seeking advice (on some level), and I am by no means trying to start a debate, I just get irritated when I get on here and people even SUGGEST that someone needs to re-assess their parenting or blame themselves in anyway. Her child needs her to be secure in her parenting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 AM on Apr. 26, 2010