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what can we do for a 12 y/o stepfdaugther that is ungrateful, rude, and non appreciative?

When ever my husband, stepdaughter and I go out to eat out, shopping for clothes needed for work, grocery shopping, weekend vacations, and most recently registering for my baby shower.... my stepdaughter makes comments like "WHAT IS THIS?! I THOUGHT WE ORDERED FOOD" in front of the waiter.....wines and complaines as soon as we come out of the car that "WHEN ARE WE LEAING or "HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE?!" ......... when i was registering for my baby shower, she did the same..."?WE HAVE TO GO AROUND THE WHOLE STORE?" rolled her eyes and huffed and puffed and even took the registering gun from my hand and started playing with it and messing with the buttons....
the pont is that she always complains about everything her DAD plans for her. He really tries every single time to do something fun to do with her or us. Her mother isnt a person that likes to go out and do diffrent things, and SD confirms this by saying it to us.

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Apr. 26, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (15)
  • Give her consequences. Make a list of chores for her to do and make them hard jobs until she cracks... Make her wash garbage cans, cut grass, weed eat, clean the toilets, etc until she learns that she has to earn your respect, and she needs to give it in return. She's 12, she's testing the waters and doesn't even realize it. Wake her up now or it's just going to get harder..

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:11 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Have a group conversation. ((( How old is she? ))) Be open, and non confrontational, don't point all fingers at her. Let her know how it makes you feel when she says things like that. " It makes me feel like you are ungrateful, and I know deep down you're not. " What's really bothering you? What can we do to help you? When you put it as you could fix things too, I thing she'll be more open to working on things, rather than just throwing it all at her that she's ungrateful.

    If all else fails... try a family counseling once or twice to help open the communication and to help bring out any of the lukes anyones keeping that make them feel the way they do. : )

    Good luck. Sorry such a tough situation.

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:12 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • She is probably acting just like her mother.

    Sell her to a band of Gypsys for $50 bucks,LOL
    just kiddddingggggggggg.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • If you jump right into being strict, or throwing chores at her.. all you'll do is push her farther away. There IS a reason she's being the way she is. That is what you need to find out. Throwing chores and demanding respect will not get you that. She's a teen..... you cannot rationalize with her. They're on a different level than we are as adults. Yes I completely agree she's not being a very pleasant child. So I do wish you the best in finding the best WIN WIN solution for you all! :D

    Answer by Skepticchick at 12:16 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • My step daughter used to embarrass me in public all the time.But she was younger, llike 8-9.I stopped taking her places with me.Her younger halfbrother got to but not her. When she asked me why he got to go with me and she didn't.I told her the truth.I told her she didn't know how to act and She embarrassed me.She told me "I can be good if I want to, and I want to be good this time".so I gave her one more chance and the rude comments and yelling her dad was mad at me about it.but all I know is that it worked.

    Answer by evelynwest at 12:53 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • How about stop bringing her places, tell her she can go out to dinner with you when she stops acting like a brat or better yet when she acts up at a store or in a restaurant make her pay for her meal or whatever she wants to buy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • registering for a baby shower was exhausting for me and dh as well, i can't imagine taking a child along matter what age. she is at that age...i am not excusing the behavior, it does need to be dealt with. at a restaurant, you could just apologize to the waiter on her behalf, and simply tell her that was rude...actually her dad should do that. evelywest has a good idea there too. b/c she is your stepdaughter, i would be afraid of alienating her, she may already feel bad or uncomfortable with the divorce. imagine two households, two completely different sets of rules and lifestyles...sometimes the kids have to be tow different kids. i am not saying that is what is going on with you, but there could be something else behind the attitude. it could be normal teenager stuff too.

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 1:57 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • When she comes over - stay at home. If she asks why tell her its because she whines and complains the whole time and ruins the outing for everyone. Do your eating out and shopping when you don't have her. Give her a month or two of sitting around at your house and I bet she will much more appriciative.

    Answer by karamille at 2:15 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • And who knows... maybe all she really wants it stay at the house. Maybe she feels like she is wasting the time she has with her dad out running around. Its win/win staying at home when she's there. If she's just being a turd, it should improve her attitude and if she really wants to stay at home with you guys then she should be happier. Win/win.

    Answer by karamille at 2:17 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I have an 8 year old son who is the same way. I'm a single mom and can't compete with eveything that dad and his family buy, but I'm trying to instill a deeper value system for him- it is not working, and it's really dissapointing. No matter what I do, or say or buy it is never good enough!!! If I told him he was getting a million dollars he would complain that it wasn't a biliion!!
    I'm also working on ways of getting him to be more appreciattive- it really bothers me that he feels so intitled to every thing. Sorry- I just had to vent (it hit so close to home!!)- I don't really have any suggestions, just wanted you to know you're not the only one and that even "good" parents can raise ungrateful children.
    Also thanks to all these replies I can try some of these things with my own son!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

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