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Am I a bad person by not wanting to work full time until my DD gets older and I feel comfortable leaving her alone?

We are not doing well financially, although my dh continues to spend and go play golf. I am working part time only when dd is in school. In the past before my dd was born I worked full time and it was hell for me because dh got into drinking, gambling, compulsive spending and pornography. I stopped working, had daughter and he straightened out and stopped doing all those bad things, somewhat! My plan is to work full time once I feel comfortable leaving my dd home alone since she is the only child. She is 11 right now. Am I being selfish for not wanting to go get a full time job now to stay with dd? We hardly have any money left at the end of the week. There is no money left for savings, retirement, all the important stuff. Help!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Apr. 26, 2010 in Money & Work

Answers (12)
  • No. That just means you want to be a good mom.

    We penny pinch so I can stay at home with our 3 children. To my husband and I both, the sacrifices we make are worth it.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 1:09 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Actually, this is an age that your DD needs you a lot. It's important that she get the care, attention, and guidance she needs now to prevent her from experimenting with alcohol and premarital sex.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I think 11 is old enough to work part time.And it can be atrial run to see how she'd be by herself.(if you did go full time)

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:10 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • what do you mean premarital sex...teenage sex isn't good but there's nothing wrong with sex outside of marriage

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • You should absolutely be working full-time. It'll add to your self-esteem and your daughter will have a model for a smart, savvy professional woman! Consider going back to school if you're underqualified for the job you want. Being that you are having a difficult time financially, you should work full-time so that you can save money for lots of reasons (e.g., to help your child afford university). Your husband doesn't seem completely reliable, and a parent should always be prepared to take care of him- or herself and child without the help of a partner. Best of luck!

    Oh and if you don't want your daughter to be home alone at her age and you work from say 9 to 5, enroll her in an afterschool program. Also, if you went to school for, say, nursing, you could work third shift. There are a lot of options. You will have to make sacrifices, but you should do what is best for your family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Kids do need to be supervised and made to feel safe. Tell dad to stop his wasteful spending (or hide some money for when weeks get tight).

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:11 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Honestly, your child will need you more between the ages of 12 and 18 than right now. Now is the time to establish your career, so you can have much needed flexibilty when you really need it.

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:26 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • rkoloms, what difference does 1 year make? I think you need to actually read the question before responding.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • No, you're not a bad person. You just want to be a good Mommy. Your Hubby neeeds to realize his habits aren't necessary right now.

    Best Wishes!

    Answer by mommy2joeynabby at 7:25 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • "We are not doing well financially"

    "We are not doing well financially"

    "We are not doing well financially"


    Then YES you are.  YOU NEED TO GET A FRICKIN JOB.  Do NOT LIVE OFF OF WELFARE.  You are an able bodied adult, who needs a job!!!  Enough said! 

    Seriously, why do people not take this crap into consideratin BEFORE they breed???


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

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