Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

an excuse for divorce?

ok so whenever my dh is mad at me or were arguing he always bringd up divorce saying were over, and we should get divorced when we made a promise 2 1/2 yrs ago not to threatn each other w divorce when we were fighting. and recently he asked me what i would do if we were to seperate.
i told him and hes like no i mean how would you support yourself?, i said why are you asking, do you want to be seperated? he said no i was just asking what you would do,
... i think hes just looking for an excuse, a reason to leave me, but everytime i tell him if you wana leave then leave, he just gets all pissy.
what is up w him, or whats his promlem, any advice?

Answer Question

Asked by jlouise03 at 3:47 PM on Apr. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (349 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • Since we don't know all the details, we cannot comment on what his problem is. It does sound like he no longer loves you and wants a divorce, despite the "deal" you made about not doing that. The question really is whether or not you are happy in your marriage?

    Answer by neebug3766 at 3:50 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • In my personal opinion if my dh asked me what would I do if we divorced or separated, I would begin getting my financial situation together and my feelings together about my husband. Then I would go and get the separation papers and the next time he begins yelling about a divorce, I would pull out those papers and walk out the door...

    My husband and I married for better or for worse...I know things get said in a heated arguement but if "divorce or seperation" kept coming up everytime we argued, then it wouldn't take long to understand that either my huband was holding something back from me or he wanted out of the marriage.

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:53 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • honestly i cant imagine a husband asking "how would you support yourself" if he didnt want to leave. in a happy marriage with a dh who wants the marriage to work he wont wonder how you'd support yourself..KWIM? if i were you id start looking into how you WOULD suport yourself. hesounds as if he wants to leave but doesnt want to feel guilty leaving you when he knows you donthave means to live by yourself &child.

    Answer by mywonderyears at 3:54 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Just from the little bit that you have shared here, it sounds like he has been thinking a lot about divorce and it comes out during arguements.
    To me, it also sounds like he's insecure about himself and maybe he thinks that you will end up being the one that wants to leave him so when you tell him if he wants to leave then leave...he feels like his feelings have been verified because youre not all crying and begging him to stay. I don't know..thats just my theory.
    Maybe he's asking you how you would support yourself if you were to divorce to find out if you've put any thought into the idea.
    If I were you, I would ask him if he would be willing to do some marriage counseling.
    It doesnt sound like he doesnt love you, just like he's confused.

    Good Luck.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 4:00 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Your husband is being emotionally abusive. He knows you will have trouble supporting yourself so he is using it to hurt you over and over. You have to decide if you want to live with it. Counseling may help.

    Do you want to be separated? isn't a good response. There are other things you can say or do. You could remind him that he agreed to not threaten you and walk away. The next time he does it, don't say anything and walk away. You could tell him that you will take him to court and make sure you get evey penny you can from him and that divorced women survive just fine. If you do separate or divorce he would have to pay your legal fees.


    Answer by Gailll at 4:04 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • ive akse d about counsliing for the last 2 years, he wont do it, says we dont need it. even if i went by myself he wouldnt consider it.

    Answer by jlouise03 at 4:04 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • even if i went by myself he wouldnt consider it.

    You can go by yourself with or without his consent. Soemtimes just one person going helps the situation.

    Answer by ria7 at 4:07 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I think you need to sit down and have a hear to heart with him. We don't know the situation, and that makes it hard to give advice on it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • It does sound to me like he wants out. My ex husband began asking me and threating me for a divorce even before the marriage liscence came back. I soon came to realize he married me and soon as he did he really did not want to be married, he just wasted my time, because the marriage did not last a whole year.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 4:09 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • As long as you can't answer him he knows you are not planning on leaving him. It's probably his way of making sure you aren't thinking of leaving. When he starts that crap just change your tone and hug his neck and ask him if he's worried about being alone and missing you if you leave. At the very least, the change in your tone will scare him and the argument is over!

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:11 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.