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Abusive *future* SIL

My mom was over today crying over my brother. He is engaged to a woman who mentally abuses and controls him. They have only been together for a little over a year -- before he met her he was a popular, smart, fun, caring guy. He is a volunteer firefighter and in the Air force. My parents doesnt know how to make him understand he needs to get away from her, she is at the point she is going to kick them both out ( yes they live with my parents) and then maybe he will realize how bad she is. She doesnt work, so of course he has to- she yells at him when he works, but then belittles him when she doesnt have money to shop for. he just got 10,000 ( for the Air force) and SHE spent it all in 1 MONTH ! She keeps his bank card and his car keys, he has to ASK her for them if he needs it. She flat out told my mom that she is going to make him move out of state so he *continued*

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Apr. 26, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (11)
  • well hate to tell little missy but unless he gets orders he just cant move out of state if he's still actively in the Air Force. Oh and if they get kicked out of the house he still gets housing allowance from the military.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:14 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • lose contact with all of the family and she wont have to worry about the families bad influence on him. She is literally trash whos own family dumped her becasue she is crazy. I went from seeing my brother almost everyday and now I havent seen him in over 2 months. He barely even talks or anything now.

    He is in an abusive relationship, just like a woman is when she is being abused by a man -- we need to figure out how to get him away from her..but we just dont know how !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:14 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • yeah but when he is constantly calling off work ( he is no on a call-in bases) he basically has no money coming in for that for utilities ...so they would only be getting money for the rent -- and they are going to be renting from a friend--they wont be ont he lease and he has to be ont he lease to even get that money ....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Sadly you can't tell him, cause he's gonna do what he's gonna do. We went through this with my sister for 4 years. Glad to say today she's not with him anymore. her record and credit are now shot.
    All we could do is be there for her when she needed us. I hope all goes well for your brother
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I don't mean to be insensitive but he's a grownup and if he likes being jerked around, it must be worth it for him. Honestly. All of us can see it's terrible so you must ask, why doesn't he? If he signs up for this for a lifetime, it's his fault. I'd have an honest sit down, tell him how you feel and then tell him not to complain when the shit hits the fan with her and it will. Ask him if he feels losing the 10K in one month and having to ask for the keys or debit card, makes sense to him. It's absurd.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 4:22 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • He is a grown up and it's his problem.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:23 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • he is only 20 ! ( and yes I know that is still an adult..but he is still so young) ....

    we have all tried to talk to him and now he is "not aloud" to talk to any of the family ( even my mom and dad) unless she is present -SERIOUSLY ...

    we were able to talk her into pushing the wedding back ( my mom said she would pay for it -- just because she though it would give us more time to get to him) ....

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • wow this has been going on for a while now. you would think if he was smart enough to be in the AF he'd be smart enough to see what she's doing. on another note, they say guys marry someone just like mom. maybe mom is controlling and he thinks his love muffin is like her. btw, he'll get kicked out of the AF if she screws his credit up
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • no my mom is one of those who always said " if they are happy, I am happy" which is also why she let her move in.... and also how we figured out how the witch was
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I tell everyone the same thing... everyone has their breaking point. Your brother will find his, and you can tell him she's no good for him until you're blue in the face. Yes, he is only 20 so hopefully he figures it out sooner rather than later, but it's a decision HE will have to make and one he'll come on his own.
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 5:15 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

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