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Did anyone have a morality clause in their divorce settlement?

If so, please share info? WHo asked for it? Did you/he need to present specific reasons why it was needed, or just ask? My stbx wants me to agree that neither of us will have an overnight guest while DS is in our care. Easy for him to do, he lives out of state, our son is only with him during school breaks.

people are telling me to just sign it and be done with it, but I feel like it is an interference in my personal life, life the husband who abused me is still in control..

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Apr. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I think he is 100% correct. Why would you bing another man in to your home over night when you have a small child there? I think you should do it because it is the moral thing to do.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:59 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I think you should put a clause in there that says unless you are in a serious and committed relationship.
    ArkTech

    Answer by ArkTech at 11:02 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Ya, I don't think he's trying to infringe on personal rights, maybe just wanting you both to set a good example for your child. I think everyone should do it.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:27 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • OP here,
    No this isn't about setting a good example. I left him because he hit me. This is another way of him trying to control me. If I don't agree to it, he will ask me to pay half of his credit card debt. In our state, it's shared debt and the court will order it. Unless we settle out of court. He is trying to use finances to control me, again..
    chicanueva

    Answer by chicanueva at 11:45 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I'm for it. My husband's ex had a parade of "boyfriends" through the revolving door of her double-wide and there wasn't a damned thing we could do about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I would talk to a lawyer to see if you can agree, then get out of it later... My thinking is this: You can go back to court to modify custody arrangements, but usually they won't modify financial arrangements. So maybe if you agree to it now, you can stick him with the credit card debt, then go back in about a year after the divorce is finalized to see if you can remove the morality clause from the custody agreement. I'm not 100% sure though, so that's why I say talk to a lawyer. But it's just a thought :)

    Personally, I don't think you should have overnight guests while you have your son unless you are SURE it's a long term thing... But since your STBX lives out of state, you're not going to have EOW to yourself either. And from what you have said, it does sound like it's more of a control issue than a morality issue. See if you can find a way to stick it to him! Good luck!!
    emslala

    Answer by emslala at 6:21 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • What about a friend? Your sister, brother or a cousin who is in town for a college visit. I say dump it. Along with the man !
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 8:04 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • I have a girlfriend divorced 3 times.Her second husband was a dog, so she put that clause in there just to piss him off. He is by divorce decree not allowed to have any woman not legally married to him in the car with him while driving, nor at his residence for overnight stays at any time he has visitation, and while he has visitation the new girlfriends can only be present in the house with her children when another member of his family is present also.
    But in reality by her attorney's reasoning, he was an alcoholic and in the past he would get drunk and use his girlfriends to do all the driving. Her attorney was able to argue that without his women around his drinking would be limited and that was in the best interest of the children. She won. But I can't say that he isn't drinking and driving anymore with the kids either.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 10:14 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • His attorney will likely find another reason than the morality clause to win, like the possibility of a male boyfriend and the potential of sexual predators. He will likely win on that issue, nobody can disprove what hasn't happened yet and with divorces the best intentions of the children are considered first. Sign the claused divorce papers and do what's right. If you will always do what's right for everyone involved you'll never be sorry or regret it later on.
    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 10:16 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • In our state, its an unwritten part of custody. For example, my husbands ex wife was allowing her bf to stay overnight and my youngest step son (6) to sleep in the bed with them. My husband naturally was livid. Not because the bf was staying the night, but because his son was sleeping in bed with his mother and this man. When he took her to court, the court informed her that no man was allowed to stay overnight when she had visitation with the children (unless they were married) and if it were reported again, she would be help in contempt and most likely lose 50/50 custody and be limited to supervised visitations since she had proven herself not to be able to make competant decisions concerning her children.

    I wouldnt allow him to blackmail you, period. If worse comes to worse and the judge assigns you half the cc debt, bankru[ptcy is an option. I would also see if you can get documentation of him trying to blackmail you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

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