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What is wrong with my husband?

My husband is acting sooo strange. One day he is okay and then the next he is moody and irritable. Its like he gets PMS all of a sudden. I try to have a discussion with him and he just gets upset. He seems to have a big issue with expressing his emotions and whats on his mind. I try to help him do this but he just gets upset. He always ends up saying something hurtful like we should get a divorce or that I should find someone better than him. It is like his self esteem is really low or something I just do not understand why. It is possibly because he is not working right now. That is the only thing I can think of. Does anyone have any suggestions to help him express himself and ways I can make him feel more appreciated or valuable to the family even when he is out of work? I just want my happy family back!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:55 AM on Apr. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Sunds like it is because he is out of work. Depression can hit when your out of work, especially if your the type who feels that being a good provider is a part of you. My dad was like that and when his health kept him from working he was one mean nasty man. He felt as if he was worthless becuase he wasnt the one working, it was my mom and I and then my DH moved in to help pay the mortgage untill my dads SSI came through. It was very rough but once he had his own income again he got better.

    I dont know what to tell you to fix it other than to just be patient and reassure him how proud of him that your are and that you love him no matter what. Once he is back to work he will feel better and things will get back to normal.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 1:05 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • That is a tough one hon. Lets go back to the fact that men dont think and feel like we do. We think emotionally as women,,men think logically, they dont do so well with emotions. You getting in his face and trying to fix this for him, will get you no where. You might as well pound your head into a brick wall. He is going through the most horrible thing a guy can go through, for himself and most of all for his family,,he lost his job. He needs to process this in his own way, the way, we as mothers and females cant relate too. You can be there for him, you can be supportive of him, but you cant fix this one for him. He has to go through, whatever guys go through to get to the other side. He doesnt want to discuss,,"feelings", b/c he honestly is not wired that way. Be there for him,,but dont question him,,,,things will turn around eventually,,,he just needs you to be there right now and not try to fix it all for him,,
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Bingo, it's because he's out of work. Before you wrote that, and I was reading....I thought....is there anything major in your lives and that would be it!
    Men can get depressed and irratable just like women can when things aren't right in thier lives. Men take pride in being able to care for thier families, and it's a big hit to them when they aren't doing that. They feel displaced and it's almost like they have to find themselves again.
    My husband was exactly like this when he lost his job. He was incredibly angry....and took it HARD. He thought he was less of a man and I could find someone else to support me and our kid! (CRAZY TALK....I never said anything about it! lol)
    The best thing you can do for him is reassure you both will get through this and keep telling him physically as well as verbally that he's the man for you. He needs reassurance too! Tell him how much you love him, and glad your the mother of his kids!
    sandypops

    Answer by sandypops at 1:36 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • My hubby is out of work right now as well! Men need to feel useful and needed. He also wants to be the provider for you and he feels as if he can not do that so you deserve better. I know this bc tht is what my hubby told me. It is important to tell him how greatful you are of him and tht your glad to be spending more time with him. Make him feel needed and praise him for small tasks tht he does. It may sound stupid but it means alot when they dont feel like the are being useful. I hope he gets a job here soon and everything turns around for you guys, good luck!!
    lovemlotz

    Answer by lovemlotz at 3:09 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • I think if he has always supported the family this is even more of a reason he would b irritable. it also is a bit of an immature reaction to a sitation he could b looking at in a different way. was he happy in his job or was it just a way to bring home a paycheck?this could b the opportunity to return to school, whatever his choice would b for a new trade or profession & get the education for whatevr he has always wanted to do. it is a difficult time but there are many ways to fund a new career if u look into the grants and ways to fund an education.He could get the certificate or degree and pay for it when actually working in the field of his choice. its worth a try. the time will pass by if he puts it to good use or just hangs around and doesnt use it to the best advantage of himself &his family.
    he needs sometime to greive the loss of the old job. Job counseling could get him on the right track. help him find some.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • You are just going to have to let him figure it out... take it from the voice of experience. Just let him know that you expect him to communicate properly, participate in the household, the marriage, etc. Let him know you are available as it appears he might need to talk. You'll keep an open mind and try to hear him. Ask how you can help, and if he says you can't, then don't try. You might be right about what's going on, but realistically there's nothing you can do about it if he doesn't include you. Meanwhile, don't accept unacceptable behavior.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:48 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Clinical depression - send him to the Dr. and also light a fire under him to get a job, that will probably straighten him right out!
    Suzy_Sunshine

    Answer by Suzy_Sunshine at 11:52 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

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