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Is there a line to what you can say during a fight?

Is there anything that you just don't say to your DH/SO when you fight? What is that "line" that you won't cross, no matter what?
Name calling, "I hate you", "I hope you die"...?

The reason I ask is- DH & I had a fight tonight, & the last thing he said to me before storming out to go to his apartment (we are separated) was, "You are being a total b*tch. Just go die."
So I am just wondering if I am totally out of line to be really upset... I don't know if I can forgive him for this one.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:28 AM on Apr. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My husband and I don't really fight. We have had a couple of big fights in the almost 11 years we have been married, but we don't say things like "I hate you" or "die"!
    The line... I think the line is saying things that are hateful or unfair or just plain mean. If you love someone, you should be able to fight fairly to work things out.

    Answer by KTMOM at 9:51 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Hmm maybe his back was up against the wall and he couldn't figure out what else to say. He retaliated like a high school boy. My husband never says things out of anger that I can remember-- he has never called me a bitch. He just stops talking to me all together. So I get the cold shoulder.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 7:59 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • We never say anything that is insulting PERIOD. Every argument or problem that arises can be dealt without having to call names or say things that make one person feel less than who they really are. That should always be avoided. If someone has to revert to hitting below the belt, then that person should seek counseling because problems never get resolved properly & fairly if you cross the line. Some people can't help it. I have a friend who is always belittling her husband, then she asks why he won't talk to her for days..WELL DUH! Because you're a bitch to your DH.

    Yes, you have a right to be very upset about that comment. The ONLY thing that came out of that comment was his own inflated ego. Saying things like that never solves a damn thing, all it does is inflate his ego, while crushing yours. It is an unfair way to fight.


    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:48 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • I am sure he regreted that statement, but don't dwell on it.

    It was out of anger-alot of people have regret when they say things that are purely mean, and it was wrong, so when you both calm down, tell him he hurt you by saying it. Hopefully he will respect you and appoligize.

    Make it clear and hopefully he won't be a fool again.


    Answer by KFree907 at 9:20 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Unfortunately my husband and I both have trouble keeping within fair-fighting boundaries when we get pissed. I used to be alot better but then took the juvenile road of if he's not gonna behave and watch his words why should I. We say all kinds of hateful stuff to each other at times and we get over it. There is probably permanent damage done to the relationship in some ways, and I believe it's best to think ahead of time - you can't take stuff back. Better to try to find ways to not engage, not egg the fights on. Talk about this stuff when you're both calm and talk about the words said. Even though I forgive my husband and vice versa, I still let him know that my expectation is that he not be verbally abusive. We're both learning how to do this... we'll either get it or we won't...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 9:36 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • He has a lack of coping skills. You should already know that if you are married to him. Don't use that as an excuse to be angry now if he's done this all along but you can use this as an opportunity to regroup and set boundaries especially in fights. Not forgive? That's a bit extreme.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • That's pretty childish and laughable. I wouldn't be offended. I think personal attacks such as "you're fat" or "you suck in bed" etc are way worse than "go die".

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 10:33 AM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • He definitely crossed the line calling you a bi**h and hoping you would die.   If I where you I would not talk to him for a month or two.


    Answer by louise2 at 1:11 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • I'm sure it was the heat of the moment. However...something I don't tolerate is name-calling (not playfully, serious), swearing at each other, FU, the finger...the word bitch. Anything disrespectful or derrogatory at all like that. I hate, HATE, HATE when a man calls a woman a bitch.

    Answer by rio_burb at 2:53 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • i would guess that this is part of the reason u r separated??? if he has this tendency to b abusive i think u should remain so and continue to move on to end the relationship. if he hasnt learned how to fight fair by now he probably will not at least not when he fights with u. i do think what he said crossed the line big time and i would not tolerate this nor would i speak to someone i loved in this manner. u can do better. gl.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Apr. 27, 2010