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i dont feel any attachment to my new baby...its like he isnt mine... it hurts to say it. :( i am so sad...

i have taken care of many children (nanny, childcare, etc.) i feel like hes just another child i am caring for, and waiting for someone to come get him..

i am breastfeeding and want to feel the "love" and "bond" but i dont feel it. people say they cant describe the emotion of first seeing thier baby... i didnt get that - and havent gotten it yet... i love him - but not the way i want to.... i dont know what to do. i cant stop crying. my husband is mad bc he says i dont help at night time. i am bf every hour and a half so i dont know how that isnt helping... i dont know what to do.... am i normal... i have wanted nothing but to be a mother - i feel like a horrible mom... i dont even feel like a mom really.... i just cant stop crying. dr. said to get a nap. husband said to take a nap. he doesnt understand - a nap wont make me love my baby any more or less.... ??? help???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Apr. 27, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Answers (51)
  • i would get checked for PPD. it sounds like it to me.(post pardum depression) or just a case of the baby blues.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • do you have post partum depression? Some ppl don't get that instant bond at first that is normal but after like a few weeks prolly less you should feel a bond i would think

    Answer by shanda0914 at 12:08 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Talk to your doctor, imho it is probably postpartum

    Answer by mrsbean08 at 12:08 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • (hes alomost 3 weeks old)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Breastfeeding is a great thing to do for your baby, but it can also be detrimental if you are feeding so often and already depressed. Your lack of attatchment to your child emotionally is due to post pardum depression most likely and trust me when I tell you that it is nothing to be ashamed of! I know what you are going through. I struggled the same way with my daughter. I wanted to love her and have that perfect experience that we imagine. The reality is nothing in life is perfect and you are doing everything that you can. Talk to your doctor about trying an anti-depressant for a little while just to help you feel a little more like yourself again. Pump and have your husband feed the baby if possible, or switch to formula if you really can't handle bf'ing anymore. Just remember that breast feeding is only the best option for your baby if it is the best option for you! If you aren't sleeping and eating right it's no good.

    Answer by momofkearra at 12:11 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • I didnt feel the attatchement right away with my 2nd and I had felt so bad for it and I had no idea why. With my first, I was in love instantly. After my 2nd I also was very sad for about the first 3-4 months. I cried a lot, felt like I wasnt being that good of a mommy even though I wsa doing every thing I was supposed to do. I just did not feel that instant bond. I had Post partum depression. Contact your doctor for help. It does go away and you will feel that bond you are looking for soon, don't worry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • its ok honey :( i had the same..mine lasted like a month,and i wanted to run away never hurt him but really just didnt feel love towards your doctor,what really helped me was telling everyone because i knew it wasnt normal ,i did everything but i just felt nothing and one day it was over and i just seen him smile and i fell in will happen for you too,just get help and if you feel life hurting him or anything,you just put him down in his crib and call anyone even if its 911

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 12:16 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Sometimes bonding doesn't happen right away. Don't beat yourself up over that, it will come. However, I agree that you should talk to your doctor ASAP about how you are feeling because it could be an early sign of PPD. You are not a horrible mother, there is no handbook on bonding with your baby. It will come, but get the help you need if you do need it.

    Answer by beckcorc at 12:16 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Definitely call your dr today if you can, and ask about PPD - sounds like that's what you're experiencing, even though you may not feel like it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • you have post pardom depression. i had that too. try zoloft. it is so normal because your hormones flux so greatly right after pregnancy, you estrogen is lower than it has been in a year. go see your ob, family doctor, whoever you trust... but get some therapy or meds for that issue before the baby's first year slips by before you feel better.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:20 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

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