Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Obsession?

Its a long story... but I will make it as quick as possible.

My first love and I broke up due to his parents wanting him to focus on school. I was 16 he was 18. We were still in love after we broke up, but never were able to be together again. When I was 18, I moved about 2 hours away.

I met a wonderful man, my husband. He is amazing. I married him because my brain told me it was the right thing, but my heart partially belongs to someone else...We have a beautiful son together, and I figured having a baby would keep my mind off of him. I love my husband so much. BUT... this entire time I have never forgotton about my first love. In fact, I think about him EVERY single day. I miss him... Every song reminds me of him. I dream about him.

What is wrong with me??? I feel like I am going crazy, and I just don't know what to make of it anymore. Should I get counceling? My husband doesnt know that I am feeling this way.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Apr. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • What's in the past is exactly what it is...in the past. You were kids then, with no worries, you got to do all the things you got to do without children in the picture or responsibility.
    Grass is alway greener on the other side?
    I bet if you were to meet up with him now, it wouldn't be the same....seriously. Do you even know that person anymore? Being so young then, i'm sure you both have gone down different life paths etc.
    It's a fantasy.....don't entertain it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:59 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • You dont ever forget your first love especially if it was something very special. Perhaps you can talk to a close friend or pastor that can give you some steps to take to put the past behind you and concentrate on your present/future. Sounds like youre very much in love with your husband and have a wonderful family...it would be worth the time and effort to talk about it and sort it out.
    Kathy7_20

    Answer by Kathy7_20 at 3:00 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • I think the first person we give our hearts to will always be there in the back of our hearts. I think the first love we give is so pure and special. So I don't think it's abnormal to have some kind of attachment, but it sounds like yours is too strong. I think if it were me, I would want to talk to a counselor. Nowadays with technology the way it is, it's way too easy for people to reconnect with old flames and be in the way of temptation. You've made a choice to be with and love your husband and not explore these other feelings. Good for you!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 3:00 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • maybe counseling would be a good idea.

    For this moment - think about all the ways you've changed since you were 16, and remember that that ex-boyfriend has likely changed a lot too - in your fantasies things are probably just like old times, but that's far from what reality would be with all the growing up you both have done since then.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • You never forget your first love. Mine died after we broke up and it took me years to get over that. I love my DH without a doubt and would never go back, but there is something about the first love that sticks with you... Sounds like you need closure. Your first love may not be the person you remember, he may have changed to the point of no longer knowing him but just loving his memory. Did something happen to bring this man back into your life? Cut all ties with him, if you are talking with him. Tell him goodbye and move on with your new life (easier said than done) I know, but if you love your DH this is what you must do or the temptation will eat at you.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 3:02 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • We all feel the way you feel. I still think about my first love, and I can say that I would never cheat on my husband....but if HE came back here and I had a chance...I can't say that I wouldn't. My mom still thinks about her first love, and that been along time ago. You will never forget about him and for me...if I don't think about mine for a couple of days...he gets in my dreams. Don't let it mess up your life. Your husband doesn't need to know, I'm sure he might have a first love himself. It is natural for us to be this way. As long as your not longing to be with him...then you're fine.
    GotToHaveFaith

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 3:02 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • all these later you are wondering about a teenage romance.
    I think that happens when we have down time, or when things become "the same" day in day out.
    it was in the past.. you were a girl... those things are always fun. Heck teen years were all about fun.

    but now you are a grown up... late 20s? 30s? married with a child... this is REAL lfie.
    dont act on it or ever mention it again... it is in the past.... keep it a wonderful memory.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • midnightmoma is right. I had to turn off my cell phone to be a better wife to my husband. But I still think about him and even look on myspace for him sometimes. It is very hard to let go...and even though ya'll were young, ya'll fell inlove with each other and change or not you still are who you are. Just remember to focus are your family. Let thoughts come as they please, but don't ever try to act on them.
    GotToHaveFaith

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 3:08 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • maybe you should go see him. maybe seeing him in the present tence could make you get over it - like maybe he is also married with kids. or he is a dick now. you never know. seems like you arent going to just get over it as suggested by other people and you need to see for yourself. did you make a mistake (by not marrying your first love) or are you just in love with the memory..
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:44 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • I'm going to say that seeing him is a bad idea, especially with the feelings that you have.

    I talk to two of my great loves occasionally, but with one especially it is still painful, especially for him since he is still single. For me, if you love someone you love them forever. I never stopped loving either of them, but we made decisions that took us in different directions.

    I love my husband, and am very happy with him. It is normal to wonder "what if", and even to talk to them occasionally, but it is not okay to rekindle that relationship while you are married to another person.
    twin_mommy

    Answer by twin_mommy at 4:07 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
What should she do?

Next question overall (Just for Fun)
Should I feel bad???