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Advice Please.

I just need some advice please. I know most of you are going to say leave or have him leave but thats not what I want, atleast when it comes to that I don't want it. I have been with my boyfriend ( my two children's father) for 5 1/2 years now. I was 15 when I met him. I am now 20. All we do it fight lately. It doesn't matter what I do I make him angry. I get irritated with him to I admit it but I feel like I can't do anything without him telling me I am dumb. I do everything he asks. I work part-time and take care of my kids. I do our house work. He does very little. He does work full time. I would like a little bit of help sometimes too tho. I feel that if we break up that he will be with someone else right off. I am so in love with him. He has cheated on me twice and that was 2 years ago. So I do have a trust issue. He says that I don't let him do anything with his friends. His friends all are drug addicts or theifs.(Cont.)

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:01 PM on Apr. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • just because you love him doesnt mean he's good for you..remember that:)
    mywonderyears

    Answer by mywonderyears at 4:04 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • I have let him go hang out with them and then he doesn't come back until 3 in the morning. I don't ever get to go out cause I lost all of my friends when I got pregnant when I was 16. They all say I will hang out with you but then when it comes to going they turn me down. So I can't go out. Now when I want to go shopping alone he won't let me. I have to take atleast one of my children. I have asked him to go to counseling or something and he won't go with me. I don't know what else to do. I feel like am fat and ugly. I don't know why I feel that way. I am on a anti-depressant and it is working okay. I don't know what else to do with this situation. How would you ladies handle this? I feel like I just can't let him go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • He sounds controlling and is keeping you in line. He has cheated on you 2 times, he is still cheating on you since he knows that you won't leave him "I feel that if we break up that he will be with someone else right off." that is not a reason to stay together. He is verbally abusive. What kind of example is that setting for your kids? How would you react if someone told your kids they were dumb, stupid. you would probably get mad but you don't when he tells you this? or treats you that way...how would you react if he treated your kids like that? Sometimes it's not about how we feel but what's best for our children even if we don't like it. They need a role model.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 4:07 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • It sounds very unhealthy to me. I will not tell you to leave him since you already asked us not to do that but I think you need to really evaluate what you are getting out of this situation and how good it is for you in the long run.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 4:07 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • He is controlling you. What he is doing is a form of abuse. I will tell you what I would do. Stop doing everything he askes you to do. If he want to hang with his friends. Tell him to go right ahead.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:07 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Seems like you already know the right thing to do is leave him, other than that, just continue to take his crap
    BrittanyD07

    Answer by BrittanyD07 at 4:09 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • It is as if you are tying our hands because you tell us your deliema and then tell us what not to say...what do you want us to tell us??????
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • It's completely understandable that you're not ready to throw in the towel on him. I personally think you may not have tried everything possible to fix the situation for you both. There are two views here and two people here making up the relationship as a whole. That is why communication is so so so important. It's like the blood of the relationship.

    It's the hardest thing ever to have a mishap like (cheating) in the relationship. It can kill the relationship if not handled properly. I think counseling is a needed after a partner cheats. To help gain tools to give trust again, to forgive, and find the root of the problem.

    If you want to stay with him you have to give him his trust back. How can he show you he's trust worthy or earn your trust back if you will not let him. This will leave him feeling helpless, possibly make him say F' the relationship. She doesn't trust me anyway. You'll have to let him go out.
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 4:15 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Are you sure that your in love with a man who verbally abuses you and cheats on you or are you just staying with him for the sake of the children?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • You'll have to let him go out. If his friends are crummy, that is his choice. You cannot control that. He'll have to make his decisions there and they will take him up or down.

    The most you can do, is be supportive. Open, and honest about your feelings. If you dislike his choices say so, but don't give him an ultimatum. Try to find ways to give him other options he can pick from. This will help him to feel like an individual, not a controlled being.

    If he's the kind of person that'll accept counseling ask for it. It'll do wonders. Say hey what if we did one or two counseling sessions to help both of us in our relationship. I don't want to loose you. If there's things I can fix I'll work on them... and if there's things you can fix you will.

    That's what couples do, work together. Especially when children are involved.


    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 4:20 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

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