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Haven't talked to my father in over a year. But I keep hearing he wants to see my kids?

I always hear from my mom that my father wants to see my kids. I chose to stay away until he can decide to do his part and be a good father to me. My question is why would does he want to see my kids so bad when he doesn't respect me or my husband? When the kids were around he didn't even interact with them and attacked us on a few of our choices so why the pressure to see them? Does anyone have any input on what could be going on?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:54 PM on Apr. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • That's crappy! I think maybe he is trying to go around you, in a way, so he can see the kids. Make you feel bad, let him see the kids even though he disrespects you and your hubby. People will say, "don't act this way because you never know when he won't be here." I personally think that's a stupid reason to allow some one to treat you like shite. They will continue to treat you like shite until they are made to stop doing it. If you set out your terms and he balks at them, and if he won't apologize and try to make peace with you, I guess he is the one missing out. I have had experience with this.
    Mrs.B3

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 6:50 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Probably because he knows it gets to you.
    He might also be trying to fix the mistakes he made with you indirectly through the children. Maybe he thinks being good to them will instantly fix all of your problems. Either way you need to put it all aside and let him see his grandchildren. Grandparents, no matter how awful they are to you, are a blessing to children and they deserve that time together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Oh btw when they do visit do it at a neutral place, neither persons house, in public so no bickering will occur.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  •  OP: I suspect he's trying to pull me in through the kids. Not for good reasons but bad ones. Kind of to say I don't have to like you at all but I will make you come around because family cannot break ties ever. I never believed in that. I think that he has to respect me and I respect him. If that is not possible then no we can't be around each other. My mother comes over whenever she wants so they know her. It's just him out of the loop. I'm really trying to understand how it's beneficial to my kids to be around someone like him. I've taught them that you respect everyone and if you can't respect them any longer for whatever reason distance yourself until you can work something out together. I want him to be in our life but my family is a package deal. You can't pick and choose who you can deal with in an immediate family that lives together.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • Mrs. B3.

    That is all i'm trying to do. I don't even need the apology but I do expect him to treat me and my husband with respect so that we can come to see him with our kids because we want to be around him. Yeah I guess he is missing out. I Am glad that you understand that it isn't me keeping him away from the kids I didn't ask for this and can only control myself not him. I think some people have great parents who love them and they forget not everyone has that. I am determined to give my kids a postive experience. All the people I choose to come around will be people that I like and know like me back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • If you don't want him to see them then just don't. Ignore his request. And tell whoever his messenger is (your mom?) that you don't want to hear it and leave it at that.

    I agree with Mrs B3. Just because you are related to someone doesn't mean they don't have to be nice to you and treat you with respect. If he were a friend and not your dad would there even be a question?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • i am all for children knowing their grandparents but if he hasnt been good to u he hasnt earned the right to grandparent your children. its great that your mom has a relationship with them. are your parents still married?? im surprised that your mom is being the go btw if she is aware how u feel. if i was in your moms position i wouldnt push u in this manner if i knew of the situation. i agree with your feeling on it. gl.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:31 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • maybe bc kids don't come with emotional baggage. they accept ppl as they are and love them anyway. they love unconditionally. you are asking for conditional love. that's too hard to live up to. the man screwed up. it's over. he can't take it back. let's move on and see how well he does with the kids. if he screws up again then shut the door but the kids will be angry with you if you keep him from them. my son's gf kept the kidds from us and now that they are older they hate their mom for shutting us out. protect your relationship with your children. let them see grandpa and see how it goes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • i am all for children knowing their grandparents but if he hasnt been good to u he hasnt earned the right to grandparent your children. its great that your mom has a relationship with them. are your parents still married?? im surprised that your mom is being the go btw if she is aware how u feel. if i was in your moms position i wouldnt push u in this manner if i knew of the situation. i agree with your feeling on it. gl.

    Thanks. Yes they're still married so it's hard for my mom and I don't want her to miss out. This is why I always open my home to her because it's not fair she should suffer. I don't want her to pick sides either since her husband comes before me and my family. I've told my mom when she has said he wants to see them that I'm am waiting for his call so that we can move forward. I just want to know that he wants to move forward. But i'm not so sure he wants to even call so I will just wait.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

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