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I'm starting to notice that my son is lying a lot. I don't know how long it's been going on because I trusted him, but now it's becoming obvious. He and his sister having a lot of problems with fighting and she will come to me and say he hurt her then he will say he didn't do it, or he didn't mean it. I never seem to see it happen, so I guess I always wanted to believe him. Today I heard a slap and and a cry. I went in and he immediately said he didn't hit her and I told him I know he did because I heard it, then he says "how do you know?" Then later she came with a red mark by her eye and said he hit her eye. I told him he had a time out and he said he didn't do it and made a huge deal out of time out. Then he completely trashed his room because he was so mad, dumped all his books out knocked over his toy bin shelf, and denied that he did it. He is 4 1/2, she is 2. All the fighting is since I had my new baby. I need help.


Asked by mybella81 at 11:47 PM on Apr. 27, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 17 (4,022 Credits)
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Answers (6)
  • Lol okay gotcha. The thing about punishing them both is that they will catch on quickly that no matter who does it, they are both going to be in trouble. The fun part of sibling rivalry is doing something and getting away with it by letting the sibling take the heat lol. By punishing both of them, that fun is taken away. Also, are they doing anything to help you with the baby? They might be doing this stuff for your attention. Give them jobs to do. My three year old loves "helping" me change my 11 month old's diaper. She gets me the diaper and wipes and throws the dirty diaper in the trash if it's not poopy. She lies to me as well, and I put her in the corner when she does. Now I give her a chance to tell me the truth when I know she's lying and if she continues to lie I put her in the corner. She's gotten better with it since I started doing that, but every kid is different. It's a game of trial and error.

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 6:38 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • And by the way all of the physical fighting is not just him, she has been hitting and even biting lately. In fact until today I thought it was mostly her.

    Answer by mybella81 at 11:51 PM on Apr. 27, 2010

  • It sounds like you are taking sides with them and not realizing it hon. I'm not bashing you for it, it's human nature, but if I see it from reading your post, I'm sure your children see it too. Try to get out of the habit of asking your son yes or no questions. Children will lie to get themselves out of trouble. It's a natural thing. If you ask him WHY he did it instead of IF he did it, you may get a more honest response from him. When you hear them fight, if you don't actually see what happened, punish them both. Put them in opposite corners and then when time out is up, have them both say sorry to each other and hug. That should put a quick stop to it. Good luck.

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 7:28 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • I know that and I don't ask him if he did it. I purposefully avoid asking him that because I know it leads to lying. I mean, I don't ask him anything at all, he denies it. Like I would say "ok, you trashed your room, now you need to pick it up." and he says "no I didn't". Well I know he trashed it that's obvious, but before now it was less obvious things and I just wasn't sure so I believed him. I would only believe him over my daughter before now because she had started this hitting/biting stage. Otherwise what I think is happening is that I favor the baby and they both see it, but I don't know how to stop it because they're driving me crazy and he needs me constantly. But I will try putting them both in time out, I'm just so afraid I'll punish someone who didn't do anything that I would rather er on the side of not disciplining anyone, but that's obviously not working. Plus I'm lazy which is a whole other issue.

    Answer by mybella81 at 8:29 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • Also, give yourself more credit! You can't honestly call yourself lazy when you have a baby and two other children to take care of. Lol you're just exhausted and you FEEL lazy, but you aren't lol. Keep your head up, it gets better I promise! :-)

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 6:39 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • Thanks! :)

    Answer by mybella81 at 6:55 PM on Apr. 28, 2010