Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

12yr old DD has a boyfriend

My DD has a boyfriend -she's 12 he's 11, last week it got back to me that they'd kissed at the school dance then yesterday I saw them walking home holding hands. Today there he was with his arm thrown over her shoulder like an 18yr old ( and me with the car pulled over and me yelling like a banshee! ) & on her facebook a/c she says she is 'in a relationship' ( her dads permission to join not mine!) One Mom has told her daughter to stay away from my daughter as she is a bad influence. So this has all come to light this week. I don't like the "boyfriend" thing, I think she is too young to start the whole dating boyfriend rubbish, I have banned her from facebook & MSN, spoken to the school principal& told her to tell this boy that she isn't allowed to be boyfriend/girlfriend. My friend says I'm over reacting, what does everyone else think - would you let your 12 yr old declare she has a boyfriend or is in a relationship & why?

Answer Question
 
myheartx4

Asked by myheartx4 at 4:23 AM on Apr. 28, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 14 (1,675 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • I think you are over reacting...When you are young like that boyfriends come and go, its no big deal, most people have boyfriends/girlfriends young in grade school it is normal, and at least you only know of them kissing ang holding hands, it could be alot worse! IMO give her some slack!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • I agree with you... I wouldn't like it either. I knew how I was at a young age cuz my parents "gave me some slack". My Step daughter had informed us at age 12 that she was dating, she then went into a serious relationship at 13 and 14, now that they split up she's wanting to date this 16 year old. see what cutting some slack does? Like I said.. shes my step daughter, so I have no say.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • op- Worded it badly, I didn't tell the principal to tell the kid - I spoke to the principal about the situation, & the fact they are sittiing at recess/lunch under a tree at the very edge of the school boundary in a little posse' Our school has two teachers on duty for around 400 kids so there is limited supervision. I was asking the principal for support in discouraging that group from being so far out on the boundary & asking what other lunchtime activities are available to attract a tweens interest- the Fairy club is great for the 6 yr olds but not so cool by 12yrs.. I told my daughter she needed to cool things with the 'boyfriend'. It isn't the boyfriend himself I don't like, it's the fact that other parents are telling their kids to steer clear, & he is a young girl with half the town watching -as much as I'd like to say don't worry what others think, as a teenager perception is truth, if they think she is a tart......?
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 5:08 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • I think that you are totally overreacting but that is your job you’re her mom. I would be careful just how far you go. You are laying the footwork right now for the rest of her teen dating/social life. So I think I would keep the yelling like a “banshee” to a minimum.

    That said she needs to know that she has parameters. Talk with her seriously she is standing in the entry way of womanhood and it is her rite of passage. She is growing up and it sounds you have given her a strong foundation to walk on. So let her walk a little, be there when she falls but don’t “overreact” to the point she actually runs from you! Good luck and blessing to you both!
    Sarahedger

    Answer by Sarahedger at 5:22 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • She is starting this boy thing allready. Better put her on some type of birth controll before you become a grandma. Better safe then sorry. Does her father know about the boyfriend?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:41 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • "So I think I would keep the yelling like a “banshee” to a minimum". - yep point taken! not my proudest moment I was just so .... Blllaaaghhhhhhh. Poor boyfriend turned green and I thought was gonna vomit.  "Better put her on some type of birth controll before you become a grandma". - Really, really ???? you know , I think that this comment sums up why I am concerned. A Mom assumes  a kid needs to be on birth control or she will be pregnant in a nanosecond because she holds hands with a kid ---- so over reaction to some, and yet I should have her on birth control to someone else. I just want her to know that having a boyfriend isn't everything, that being a good kid, having some friends, and fun is just as important.

    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 6:00 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • " I just want her to know that having a boyfriend isn't everything, that being a good kid, having some friends, and fun is just as important" So well said! But I am sure that you have been doing that this whole time. I bet she is a great level headed girl and as far as becoming a Grandma I would not worry about that at all! Please know one got preggo from holding hands even if it was under a tree LOL!


    Also try not to listen to other Mom's most Mom's don't monitor their children as well as you are doing and that is why they become prego.


     BTW I bet the look on that boys face was priceless. It will give you and hubby something to remember and laugh about when she is away in college. Good Luck.

    Sarahedger

    Answer by Sarahedger at 6:15 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • " the look on that boys face was priceless" LOL ashamed to say but


    throwing up


    It's a moment I'll cherish LOL

    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 6:31 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • My DD isn't having a 'boyfriend' until she's 16 years old! I know of girls in middle school (age 10-12) giving BJ's and getting STD's... no ways that's going to by kid!
    It's better to teach her to respect her body before she's allowed to have a boyfriend!

    From my personal experience, I had my first boyfriend in the first grade, but when I was 12 and go a boyfriend that was 15, my mom told me to end it (we'd been going out less than a day) and I can thank her for that. I shouldn't have been going out that early. My next relationship was at 16 with my DH!
    Pocketmouse

    Answer by Pocketmouse at 6:53 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • My son is 12 but he is shy and stays out of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing BUT all I can say is basically all of the other kids in his class have been having boyfriends/girlfriends for the past couple of years now. I don't think many of them are actually ever touching each other at all....it is more of a "declaration" which I recall we did as well when I was that age (and I am 49 now so that was the dark ages). You may be over-reacting, but I think the comments about birth control are over-reacting much more for sure. Kid this age do take an interest in whomever they are attracted to. I think it is pretty normal. Yes, they require supervision.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 7:53 AM on Apr. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.