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Christian Mom please help?

Hello,
I just got out a 5 yr relationship and i moved to another state about a month ago with my son. Me and my sons father stay in contact and lately i have been missing him. When i was with him i was not happy for many years and he was so controling and jealous and we broke up many times but this is the longest but now that i have time away from him i kinda miss him. I talked to him a few days ago and i got the feeling he stil wanted to be together. We have been talking about setting up a time for me and his son to come down so he could see his son. What should I do? This is a really hard situation i am 22yrs old and this is the first person i have been with i have been trying to stay focused with the lord, go to church 2-3 times a week, and change what/who i listen to but it is really hard when i have this situation that keeps coming up. Christian ladys please help? Thank you

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Apr. 28, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (12)
  • Get to your pastor and get some Godly-counsel.
    TimandMely4ever

    Answer by TimandMely4ever at 4:54 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • You're missing what you knew and what you're comfortable with. Don't fall into that trap; DO NOT get back together with him. Otherwise you're doing all the right things.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:54 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • The first question I would want to know is...if the guy is trying to get back into church and focus on God too!

    If he is, then it has a chance. If not, then he will almost certainly be the same guy you were with before.

    You were obviously attracted to him, but he was not good for you.

    I would talk to him about how you have changed, ask him if he has changed and how. Try to get him to go with you to church, see how he responds.

    TAKE IT SLOW!!!! Do not rush out and marry him or get all the way together with him yet. Give yourself a chance to learn about him.

    PRAY HARD!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • I completely agree with gdiamante. You are not missing him, you are missing that comfortability. Trust me I was in the exact same situation kind of. I was with a guy for 2 1/2 years...he was VERY VERY controlling...I never got to see my friends, never got to hang out with my family, it always had to be HIS way. We fought all the time and it just got worse and worse as time went on. Finally we broke up and I was fine for awhile and then I started missing him. I would go back to him for like a month but all those same problems were still there, so I would leave again. This went on for awhile and some days I was fine and other days I was missing him. I realized one day though that I just missed having someone around...not him.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 4:59 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • After being away from somebody like that for a little while, somebody who we were with for a long time and who we had a pretty bad relationship with, we tend to start to glamorize the relationship and our memory of the "bad" in the relationship starts to fade and becomes a little fuzzy... You start to think to yourself, "Well it wasn't ALL bad, there were plenty of good times too," or "I was attracted to him for a reason." and then you start trying to remember all of those reasons and again start to glamorize things. This is not something you want to fall back into just because you were comfortable with him, or just because you still care about him, or just because you are lonely right now and it's convenient for you, so for starters you need to try to figure out what's motivating your feelings right now. You're in a vulnerable position right now emotionally and guys like that seem to be able to sense that and (continued...)
    whittear

    Answer by whittear at 5:14 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • I am confused why this is a Christian question. However I say get counseling before you make any emotion based decisions. Controlers don't change with out help some thing you should also think about. If you do get back together you need marriage counseling to ensure the cycle wont repeat.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 5:38 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • know how to exploit that to their advantage to get what they want. I’ve been there, I had my oldest son with a guy I had been with for 5 years and right after giving birth I found out he had been cheating and I finally left for good. After that, I went through what you are going through now and honestly it took a long time and finding a man who really treated me right and made me realize my own self worth before I was able to completely let go and see that my ex was not good for me at all and he was not what I wanted for my life. The thing is you don’t need a man to do that for you, especially since you’ve already turned your focus to God. Keep up what you are doing, the first response is a good suggestion, whatever you end up doing you need to be sure before jumping either way that you are doing the best thing for you and your son. If you need somebody to talk to who can relate, feel free to send me a message as well.
    whittear

    Answer by whittear at 5:47 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • Is he a good dad?

    A good dad would be worth a second chance, a bad dad, nope.

    If your asking in Religion, I agree with PP, you may want to go talk with the leader of your congregation, usually congregational leaders are trained on basic marital counseling and such.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • You are still attached to him spiritually, like soul ties. You had sex with him and became ONE with him so yes it is a natural thing to happen but he does not sound like he is healthy for you. Find a pastor that can help you decide which way to go. The bible also says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, you didnt say whether or not he was one but that you are. I believe that the most important thing right now is to focus on your walk with Jesus and your son. Some things you just have to let go but dont take my word for it... God's word is final... that is where your answer lies. bless you!
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 7:01 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • Don't settle for something that has not worked out! Trust me on this one, if it was broke......it still is. Pray and ask God to fill the void in your life and pray for a godly man to come along who you can grow together with in the Lord.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

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