Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How can I get my mother to actually take charge.

I'm 22 an my older sister is 30, unemployed for 3 & 1/2 yrs and continuing! My mother is one to always blame herself, she see's this as her needing help but does nothing but shoo her away by paying her off. I find it completely disrespectful to me, because I have a job an I have to waste every given check towards my car & never have any free money to myself. It goes as stupid as to shopping for the things I ask for bc we're on a budget but when I go to find the things I've asked for, they're previously eaten by my sister without any sincerity that it wasn't her's to begin with. I'm not selfish, but she can continue to disrespect & can get money? I've argued my point, all I get is I'm stepping over my bounds by saying this or wondering why she can't just make a RULE follow THROUGH. Is there social workers/the state that can help fund me to move out of this place, this isn't healthy period.

Answer Question

Asked by momerath at 7:07 PM on Apr. 28, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I think your reasoning is a little faulty. It's almost like a pot calling a kettle black. Both of you are grown and should be on your own and not mooching off your mother. Just because your sister does it more doesn't mean that you're not doing the same thing.
    Also, I think you need to realize that all children need different things. Your mom is doing what she thinks she needs to do for your sister. Are you thinking that by making life harder on your sister that it would improve your life? Things don't work like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:17 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • put on your big girl pants and move out. as for your sister. it will be your moms problem.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:21 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • You don't like what's going on in your mom's house, move out! End of story. There is NOTHING that you as the younger daughter can do to change how she treats your older sister. That's it. Your choices - pull up your big girl panties and get over it or move out.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:47 PM on Apr. 28, 2010

  • Look for a couple of other girls who want to share an apartment and move out. There are always ads in our paper of people looking for potential expense sharers. You do need to be careful and investigate before you commit, but this is an excellent way to get out of your mom's house and to be on your own. You do not have the power to change her or your sister. The only person you can work on is yourself, so just start looking for ways to do that.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:38 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • You have an interesting turn of phrase. What makes you think that social workers and the government need to pay your way? Find a couple of roommates and move out. Now if your mom wants advice, send her here. Yes, she is apparently doing a crappy job (with both of you.)

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • Rent a room somewhere if you have to. Your mother can handle your sister in anyway she chooses. You can only put yourself in a healthier place.

    Answer by grannywilson at 11:30 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • My mom owns a double wide mobile home. In 1992 we moved to TX to live near my mom and she charged a $100 more than her mortgage payment to rent it AND charged us $75 a month for the land it was on. So, my mom made a $175 profit while we barely made ends meet because we were paying $600 a month for rent. When the hot water heater died...WE fixed it. When the well pump SHE also used died...WE fixed it. We took care of any and all repairs. We eventually moved out because we found some place that was less rent and needed no work. In 2000 when my younger (by 7 1/2 years) sister got married for 2nd time and was pregnant for the 2nd time. My mom told her that since she was having a grandson (he was grandson #7, btw) my mom was deeding the house right over to my sister, free & clear. My younger sister basically gets everything handed to her and can do no wrong. It's life.

    So...stop complaining. You aren't special or alone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on May. 1, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.