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Dealing with husband issues..

So my husband and I are on the rocks. We have a child together and since I was 14 wks pregnant he was pretty abusive to me, (he took my arm and held it across my back by my opposite shoulder leading to a ligament tear) it progressed to hair pulling, and general man handling and nipple abuse.
We went to marriage counseling and the physical abuse stopped, but he seems to have had a smaller and smaller tolerance for the little things like me correcting him. Recently, he left and went to live with his friend in a city about 5 hours away and I moved in with my family and our baby. A couple days ago I found out he had cheated on me with this slut to say the least. He was honest with me about it, and said she was nothing to him, just sex and that he loved me, but thought our relationship was in the toilet. This has been my one true love for 14 years, since I was 16. We've always had a pretty ok relationship, but do you think I'll be able to trust him again?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Jun. 27, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • It's not up to you to trust him. It's up to him to earn your trust. If he cannot earn it, then it will never happen.
    ReneeK3

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 10:59 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I don't think you will be able to trust him again. What if he starts abusing you again? Or cheats again?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:00 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • Do I love myself? Am I a unique and wonderful person? Am I a good mother to my child? Do I contribute goodness to others? DO I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY? If you have answered "Yes" to most of these questions, your journey should take you on a path of enlightment for you and your child. Abuse of any sort is unacceptable from any person you encounter. If you can tolerate the abuse and wake up the next morning and smile at yourself in the mirror without the pain and agony, then continue with the abuse. If it hurts so badly, that you are in a constant miserable state of mind and heart, change your thinking and encourage yourself of all your good qualities you possess. Take that encouragement to build a life for you and the lil' one. When you accept all the good in yourself and walk that journey, you will not have a need to wonder if you should trust your husband. 

     I believe you CAN DO IT!!!

    mymissingmother

    Answer by mymissingmother at 1:02 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I don't think it's a trust issue. If cheating was the only issue here then I would say you can get past it. But you need to remember that you are not the only person he is hurting. Your kids will grow up thinking that that is the way men are supposed to act. If your sons see him hitting, verbally abusing or cheating on you they will do the same to thier wives... If your girls see you takeing it they will to..It's a very deadly cycle and in the end it will affect your kids. Please... Pease do what is best for them, not what you hope is best for you!
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 1:42 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • this guy doesn't love you he just loves having you around. think abut what is best for the kids here, and not what is best for him - ditch the loser.
    hiddenpoet

    Answer by hiddenpoet at 2:01 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • If he hurt you once he will again and chances are it will get much worse. I grew up with this from the age of 1-14 and it is all I remember about my mom and step-dad. If he is not getting outside, counseling help then it is time to go. I don't care what anyone says---he will do it again and again. The cheating--he is also to blame, so don't just take it out on the "slut." He was there. He is doing what abusers do--hit, hurt, say sorry, mess up, and it starts again. With my mom it always escalted. He'd promise not to beat her, and then did it again. You need to think of your child and what example that baby is learning. A true love would not hurt you physically no matter what he says. Please get out now.
    Teachermom01

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 3:21 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • You are the only one who can decide for sure. I recommend a counsellor to help you sort out your feelings and plan for the future. It is a turning point in your life and whatever you decide, it can work out for good (that means no abuse in your future!) Best of luck.
    manna1qd

    Answer by manna1qd at 3:40 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • YEA HE MAYBE THE ONE THAT YOU LOVED FOR SO LONG, BUT WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS NEW LIFE THAT YOU HAVE NOW MADE,YOUR CHILD? SORRY BABE, YOU NOW HAVE A CHILD TO THINK OF. ABUSIVE MEN RARELY CHANGE~AND WHEN THEY DO IS ONLY FOR A WHILE NOT FOREVER. YOU NOW HAVE A CHILD, YOU DONT WANT YOUR CHILD TO BE SEEING THAT DO YOU?! WHAT IF HE STARTS ON THE KID? WHAT IF ONE DAY THE KID IS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU AND GETS HURT? FORGET ABOUT THE "CHEATING"!! THE ABUSE IS MORE IMPORTANT!! TO TOP IT OFF, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO YOU PROBLY WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE FACT THAT HE LEFT YOU AT THIS VERY IMPORTANT TIME IN YOUR LIFE AND ON TOP OF THAT CHEATED ON YOU!! THAT WILL BE HARD FOR YOU TO FORGIVE HIM FOR~I WOULD THINK~ WISH THE BEST AND BE SAFE MY DEAR! ~KAY
    KAYOCHOA

    Answer by KAYOCHOA at 3:42 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

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