• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My "fiancee' just dumped me, when I'm due on Friday (the 7th) he already was flying in from work on the 5th to be here for babys birth? Am I wrong for not wanting him to be here?

I've posted questions on here before, about how he called me child a "spawn" to hurt me during fights, has thrown laptops when angry (and I pregnant) how he claimed to have "issues" and "couldn't be a father because of them therefore he was leaving us" how he's the type to blame me for everything "you made me mad, so I threw the laptop, or kicked over the tv etc" . Well now he says we're done, over, etc. We live together, but his job has had him out of town this last trimester, so we only saw each other every 4-6 wks when he flew back home. Well he'd already bought his ticket to come home this Wednesday (the 5th) and they'll be inducing the 8th if baby doesn't get here (baby is to big..?) I'm soo lost at what to do or how to handle this? Honestly I don't want him around, but its his house he's paying for right now anyways since it was a high risk pregnancy he asked me not to work this last trimester, also its his baby...con

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:32 AM on Apr. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • continue...his reason for leaving me is we're always in some form of arguing every few days, he goes out of his way to degrade etc. Well he told me this last sunday the only reason he asked me to move in with him at the beginning of our relationship was cause I at the time had a good job, and he's just gotten out of the military but owned a house and wans't sure if he'd find anything jobs right away, so he claims he asked me to move in with him, so I'd cover the bills. And I did. Well i didnt know if he said this to hurt me, or if it was true, but later he admitted to it being true. So then Monday night hes like so how do you feel about every thing? I replied with "Im, due next wk, I honestly am to number & don't want to deal with any of it till after we've the baby & can go to counseling 'cause I just want a calm last wk. If I think about it to much I'll get upset". He then got upset at me saying I didn't trust him etc. etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • no its not wrong to want the father to be there for the birth. even thou you broke up you will have the next 21 yrs together as parents of a child who will need you both so what ever went wrong with your relationship should get talked about and he will regret not being there when the baby is born if he decides to be a part of your child's life he should start at the beging of it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • contine...in which I reply "Don't you think I've kind of a right? I mean u just turned my world upsidedown by telling me u were with me all because of money"now I'm scared I've been "lied" to this entire relationship, my baby is due next wk, so please let it go" he went on insisting I trust him then throwing comments like "if u don't trust me. why are u with me?" like pushing me to break up with him. Well I wouldn't I told him to be quiet, leave it be, stop calling/texting & just let me chill. He finally texts me "I don't want to be with u, u don't trust me" I said "ok, u'll have to dump me" he replied with "you're dumped". yet. still texted me later saying "We weren't together but he'd be home for 10 days still to see his son & oh that his parents were coming still as planned too" I could move, but NOT this soon I'm due next wk! Im not the type to hold my exs hand who just dumped me thro labor either. I don't know what to do!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • OP here, I believe you misudnerstood. I DON'T want him there!! I'm the type whos had 2 boyfriends and took at least 2 years in btween guys. I'm in love forever it seems and takes alot to get over it. I don't want him there and I don't want him living with me here at our house for those 10 days after he just dumped me 8 days BEFORE I was suppose to have a baby! Who does that? I don't think I can forgive him enough to be around him, no less the fact I'll have just gone through having a baby & that stress! I don't want to deal with him being here! I am sooo selfish! I'm not saying he can't be in my babys life, I'm simply saying isn't that a little harsh of him to demand to come back into my life for 10 days when he just DUMPED me? I don't want him around we were suppose to go thro this together in the hospital,...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who treated me like that and I wouldn't want him at the birth. Sounds like a sticky situation though where you live in his house and everything. So sorry you have this added stress when you're about to give birth. I don't really know what to say but I hope everything works out well for you. Congrats on the soon to be born baby!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • I would honestly say I would make sure he would come and call like mad to get an emergency (relationship/marriage) counselor this week . And go before delivering to talk it out in a safe controlled environment. Also if he has anger issues don't be to careful letting him be with the baby alone. I know a lot of even "good" guys that if they just have bad tempers they don't know when they should just walk out vs. becoming violent by loosing their temper. So just do whats best for your baby first, you second, and worry about him last.
    hotrodmomma

    Answer by hotrodmomma at 2:50 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • Oh WOW ... just wow. He sure does have issues Sweetie, this guy doesn't love you. He is treating you like crap. Do you have family you can turn to? Or friends. It's his house, which means not your responsibilty. Pack your bags & get gone before he comes home. He is NOT going to improve. If he's kicking the TV over & throwing things at you while you are pregnant with his child, he is going to hurt you or the baby very badly one day. He says you don't trust him?. How has he shown you he is worthy of trust? He says very cruel things to hurt you, just vile and ugly, you deserve better, & so does that little baby Let him go, & protect yourself. He doesn't have to be there for the birth, and I believe your Dr would advise him not being there as the extra stress will not help the birth process. It is your body & your birth, he has NO say in it, you can ask security to keep him out! Please don't continue with him, he is dangerous
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 2:50 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • Let him come back to u when he's ready, trust me from personal experience you don't want your child around his behavior if he's going to be pulling shit out like that, cursing you out, and throwing everything you own! ( Give it time ) Make him want you,and keep talking to him about your child and your feelings. Be up front with him. Men don't always understand. Just help him and stand by his side. You can work it out together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • OP again. you ladies have no idea how much I just want to hug a pillow, scream into it and break down..but I promised myself I wouldn't and have done my best to especially be strong this last month. I love my baby, my son means the world to me and he already has a tough future whether we work this out or are apart becuase its been a rather rough pregnancy. I told myself I'd do my best this last month to not cry in our aruguments, to not break down because I don't want to stress the baby out and for him to be born into a sad/scary envrmnt..IDK I just need a good cry. But won't allow myself that. I'm basically dealing with a "broken heart" or the results of break up, with trying to be strong to surivive this delivery & raising a baby alone plus seeing him too?! It's overwhelming and literally depressing if I chose to go there. I feel soo lost
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:55 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • I know it is very close to your delivery, that is why it is sooo important to get moving NOW. Before the baby comes, before he can start playing the custody card, or before he lulls you back into a false sense of security when the little baby is cute. I know you said 'our home' but it isn't - it's his house, and he has a legal right to walk back through the door. If you are not in that house he has no legal right to see you, unless you allow it. Family, friends, even someone from church - find somewhere else to be before he steps off the plane.
    myheartx4

    Answer by myheartx4 at 2:55 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.