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Just wondering.... when does vanity and arrogance become a sign of self-loathing to the point of needing professional help?

I have a cousin, who is a pretty girl, mind you, but I'm starting to worry about how she "Really" is. She's had her breast enlarged twice, has tanned to the point of full-body freckles now (I wonder if that's even healthy).... she's 36 and has already started with botox treatments, is devastatingly thin (refuses to eat more than once per day), won't even run to the convenience store without full dress and make-up, has now started borrowing (or sharing) clothes with her 13 year old and she is Constantly self-deprecating. Her menstrual cycle is screwing up big time, she's on hormones already and drinks (cheap nasty beer at that) all the time. Now, she keeps her schedule and she takes care of her family, but I'm worried that she's not taking care of herself and I'm also VERY worried about her 13 year old and 10 year old daughters - they both are already obsessed with dieting and image. Prolly nothing I can do about it, I know


Asked by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Apr. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • well as far as your friend, not anything you can do as she sounds like a runaway train at this point. basically she isnt going to hear the kids. as others said, be a positive role model. let them know that they are enough-just as they are.when they are with you show them healthy eating, snacking etc, talk about self esteem and just do what ya can.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:06 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • There's a difference between pride in your appearance and self-destructive low self esteem. It sounds like she might need counseling - she's under the impression that she's not good enough. Does she have an overly critical SO? is it a mid-life crisis (when she wakes up and realizes that she's not 22 anymore and never will be)? The drinking sounds as though she is depressed.

    Answer by plylerjones at 8:50 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • She sounds like she's searching for perfection probably caused by low self esteem and the feeling of being rejected at some time in her life for feeling less than perfect. If she doesn't see a problem so I doubt if she'd seek professional help. Just keep stressing to the kids that they rock just as they are.

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:54 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • OP here.....I don't think her DH is critical of her at all - if he is, then he has never done or said anything in front of me of my DH. Now he is (well my impression) a sleazy kind of guy. He's always making sexually suggestive comments about her, to her in front of people, but she seems to eat that crap up (not me - DH and I respect our marriage bed and everyone who sees us knows we love each other without being suggestive in public - we're not prudish either, we kiss and hold hands and hug and stuff in public, just not over the top stuff, ya know). N-E how - She has one sister who is SOO very down to earth (school teacher 'marm-type'). She has an ex husband who used to abuse her (but he did his drug dealer wrong and they beat him unrecognizable and retarded, literally). Her DH now was actually against the whole boob job and stuff at first - now, he seems to egg it on I guess.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • Sounds like she is anorexic for sure, but honestly what can you do? Maybe talk to her Mom about it, but she is an adult and until something happens she will more than likely not change,,, not the answer you hoped for,, but I think unless I got her mother involved I would just stay quiet,, and BTW--tanning to the point she has is really unhealthy!!!

    Answer by kimigogo at 9:37 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • I would focus on being a role model for her kids. Saying self affirming comments in front of them and engaging them in conversations about body image. I am sure they pick up the negativity from their mom but one comment like "You are beautiful just the way you are and don't need to be perfect to be loved as much as I love you" could be something they recall at the most critical moment when they faced with following their mother or finding own way.

    Answer by bjane01 at 9:54 AM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • It's her life and body to do what she wants with. Perhaps she likes the way she looks and taht is it. Some people are extreme in their activities.... There is an awful lot of speculating going on here and I don't think that's fair to her either. Have you ever sat her down and just talked to her??? Try that before you run to her mom or her doctor or whoever....get a gauge on her method of thinking.

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 10:31 AM on Apr. 29, 2010