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What do I do? My husband and I have been married for almost 5 yrs....

We have a 5yr old son. I got preg not long after I met him. I was head over heals for my hubby. The last couple of yrs has been rough. He has a little bit of an anger issue & has blown up on me a quite a few times. Never actually hit me, but pushed etc.. He says I say things that push his buttons. I can't get past these things. He is a great dad and most of the time a great husband. Here lately everything about him gets on my nerves and I never want to have sex with him. I kind of feel like I have nothing left to give. He wants sex all the time but I never do. Do I just give up or try to work things out AGAIN and AGAIN?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Apr. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • First you find out why you feel this way about your husband. After careful consideration and evaluation, then you begin to take the necessary steps to either work on your marriage or the next best thing.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:41 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • I would suggest couples counseling
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 1:29 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • It sounds like he is abusive and that is why you don't want to be close to him, and I don't blame you. Counseling is a very good idea. He needs to get a grip on his anger and behavior so he can be a good husband and so you will then want to be in a relationship with him.
    KTMOM

    Answer by KTMOM at 1:34 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • If he will go, definitely seek counseling. It sounds like you are on the cusp of making a strong decision and are falling out of love with him already. Do something before it is too late, he needs some anger management, even pushing you isn't OK and it isn't the kind of thing you want to raise your child around. Our children are mirror images of us and your son will begin to display these snap temper and violent responses soon enough if he is exposed to them for much longer.
    MrsManners

    Answer by MrsManners at 1:35 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • aww i am so sorry you are going thru this!! take a deep breath. and take a minute for your self. tell your self that you appreiate all that YOU do. give yourself space to feel the things you need to around you and your partner. no one would be able to get past being pushed or yelled at by the one they love. you are suppose to feel safe with him and now you dont. i would suggest he go see a doc to be checked for depression or something like that. maybe some meds would help him feel better. my partner was angry alot for awhile and our doc put her on meds and now she is much better.
    i think the reson you dont want to have sex w him is b/c you feel violated. and you need to talk to him about this stuff, but when it is a good time!! make sure there are no stresses going on, like your kids are awake, or he just walked in the door from work, or you guys have not had rest or dinner..you know what i mean? good luck ok. : ) BREATHE!
    Preggydyke

    Answer by Preggydyke at 1:38 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • marriage counseling could help. BUT i dont think that woman shouldent give up until your heart just cant take it no more. Your married, through bad or good you both should be by eachother side with love ans support. If you love him you will want for him to get help and stay together! RIGHT?
    right now you both are going through a rough time, things always gets BETTER! tell you husband how much you love him and how his ways is destroying your marriage!
    P.S. im so sorry if i dont make any sence my english is so not good! ....... i wish you and you husband the best of luck, and i hope he gets the help he needs. and remember to tell him everyday how much you love him!
    yamil519

    Answer by yamil519 at 1:39 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • He's abusive. Pushing, etc (what ever that etc intails) IS abuse. You are sounding like the classic battered wife by down playing it since he doesn't "hit" you and has "a little bit of an anger issue.".

    You are your child need out of this abusive situation.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 1:39 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • My husband also has anger issues and has been verbally abusive in the past. It is an ongoing problem that we are always working on. The reasons I stay are because other than this albeit large issue, he is a great husband, a great father, my best friend and the most important reason is that HE acknowledges this problem and goes to counseling for it. If he denied it was a problem and didn't nothing to help there is no way we'd still be together. We have been in and out of counseling about it since early on in our relationship (we're together 12 years), and now he is in counseling alone. He's read anger management books and uses the tools he's learned. He's not perfect and although it has gotten much much much better, we still don't fight well, but we are still learning and growing and committed to figuring it out. Its up to you to decide what you want to do, if the love and commitment aren't there, (cont.)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • When a man's abusive (emotionally OR physically) women don't want to be intimate with them. It's hard to feel that close connection when you are seeing someone in a completely different light. Trust me, I know the feeling. Went through it with my STBX husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • I would get out now. If he is unwilling to change, you have no hope, but he has to WANT to change. You definitely need counseling, and definitely together at first, then maybe he can continue alone to work out his issues. It is not easy and I have wanted to leave many many times, but again, he WANTS to change and over the years I have seen great progress, and well, I love him. I'll check back if you have any questions....I know you are in a tough spot filled with disgust and resentment....you need to work on that as well....assuming he is working on his issues....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

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