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Do Attachment Parenting moms really not say 'no' to their children?

When I was pregnant with my first I heard about AP for the first time. It was on a TV show on TLC. I can't remember the name of it but had a group of women who met in a coffee shop and each week the show was about one memeber who had a question or a problem with their child(ren). There was this one mom who said she was an AP mom and she had a problem with her 2 year old girl running out in the street. She said that, as an AP mom, she had never said 'no' to her daughter since it was not AP. That was my first impression of AP parents and it was not a good one. I decided right then that I was not even remotely interested in being an AP mom.
Now a couple years later, I have read the book and found that I follow most of the 8 'guidelines' but I don't call myself AP, mostly due to that one mom.

So I was curious, do AP parents believe this way? I couldn't find anything in Dr. Sears' book about it.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:34 PM on Apr. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (37)
  • Ummmm I say no, and plenty of other AP moms that I know say no. However I think that for most, the goal is to not say it all the time, and for everything. NO! You cannot walk out into the street, I think is permissable by almost every mother I have ever run into. However most try to re-direct instead of only saying no. I would say something like 'We walk on the side walk, not in the street because it is dangerous' or 'How about we jump on the crinkly leaves on the sidewalk instead'.

    I have heard of some parents not saying no (in any form) because they don't feel it's right to 'impose their will on their child', but I wouldn't consider that AP. AP (IMO) is about direction and dicipline too!
    ethans_momma06

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 2:29 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • I don't know if its specific to AP but a lot of parents do feel that its detrimental to the well being of a child to have negative words. I followed some AP things when my kids were babies, but now that they're older its easier to leave AP behind.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 1:36 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • I didn't read the book, I just do what feels right. Ii don't have a style. I just know how I don't want my kids to act and if they do something that I don't like, they know it.
    Christina2135

    Answer by Christina2135 at 1:37 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • AP was termed by Dr. Sears, he says nothing about never saying no. So, I think it is a seperate deal all together.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 1:38 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • A lot of parent's believe in redirecting like instead of saying "no, you can't go outside". Saying "you may go outside another time. Right now, it's time for dinner".
    Rayray1976

    Answer by Rayray1976 at 1:40 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • We loosely follow AP,AP does not mean that you do not discipline our children. We just do it in a more gentle way. Yes, I tell my children no.

    laciD

    Answer by laciD at 1:41 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • "A lot of parent's believe in redirecting like instead of saying "no, you can't go outside". Saying "you may go outside another time. Right now, it's time for dinner"."

    I tried that with my two year old - it didn'y work. He just screamed and hit his head on the floor (he does that when he has a temper tantrum).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • anon... its not something that you can try out for a week or two and say it doesn't work. Its something that you have to do consistantly for a long period of time.
    laciD

    Answer by laciD at 1:43 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • Answered at 1:40 PM on Apr. 29, 2010 by: Rayray1976
    A lot of parent's believe in redirecting like instead of saying "no, you can't go outside". Saying "you may go outside another time. Right now, it's time for dinner".


    *************************

    This is how I talk to my 22 month old. I found that she doesn't say "no" a lot because she's not hearing it from me!! Instead of telling her "no" and telling her what NOT to do, I tell what she CAN do.
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 1:44 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • ANON 1:42, It takes more than one time.


    OP: ok , I reread the site again. The point isn't to never say no to them...it's to say things in a different way. They still get told no to an extent...just not with a harsh tone and demeaning manner. Instead of “Put those shoes away now,” say “Would you put your shoes away so we can go?” Instead of being demanding and sounding in charge and bossy, you make it feel like they have a little say and that they are heard and matter. Don't say no, give another choice. Instead "No, you can't have that toy." Say, "How about when we get home, we play with your (whatever favorite toy)."
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 1:51 PM on Apr. 29, 2010