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How do you prevent yourself from turning into your mother?

Don't get me wrong - I love my mom, and have a great relationship w/ her. But, since my son was born (he's 2), I've undergone this massive personality shift that I don't actually like, and other people don't seem to like, either. After some soul-searching and reflection, I finally realized that I've become a person very similar to my mother, who, while she is a strong woman and has never done anything "bad" to me, I don't particularly LIKE. She is bull-headed, likes to argue and get her way ALL the time, and is very unappreciative and sometimes too caught up in her own opinions to consider those of anyone else. I see these qualities coming out in myself, and I don't enjoy it at ALL (and neither does my husband!). I'm afraid I am destined to become the way she is - she has no friends, is kind of mean to my dad, and has alienated my siblings... How do you keep yourself from turning into someone you don't like???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:28 PM on Apr. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • i'm becoming more like my mom everyday too....hopefully i can be more like her and be an amazing mother to my children like she was to me and my siblings
    josiesmommy00

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 4:30 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • Ask people close to you if you're turning like your mother. If they say no then you MUST buy your mother a nice Mother's Day gift. I don't like when daughters and mothers have conflicts.
    Energ8zr

    Answer by Energ8zr at 4:32 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • it's inevitable, it's just going to happen, like the change of season and the tides.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • The first step, you've already taken. And that's realizing what you're becoming. The next step is take action towards changing it. Next time you want something your way or the high way... compromise. The next time you catch yourself in an argument say, never mind.. you're right (make sure it's not something that you're really passionate about).
    About 50% of the times that DH does something I don't like.. he doesn't know about it until I've sorted through my feelings and made sure that it's something that I want to fight about. If it's not important enough to think through.. .it's not important enough to argue.

    Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • Do the exact opposite. If she has no friends, make it a point to connect with others. If she's uncompassionate, do service for others so you can feel that good feeling, and try to understand thier lives and where they're coming from.
    The best thing you could do is have a positive attitude. It will take you far, and you can be a good person because of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • turning into your mother *
    Energ8zr

    Answer by Energ8zr at 4:38 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • Recognizing your faults is the first step to correcting them. Good for you.....Just think before you speak and try to be more tolerant of others as opposed to being right and arguing. Not to say be submissive, if your right, your right. There are right ways to communicate and combative ways, you need to choose. Good Luck

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 4:44 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • OP - Energ8zr - People have said that I'm turning into my mother, I just didn't believe it till recently... Or, took it as a compliment, till I started noticing more things about my mom that I don't like, that I didn't notice before. I notice lately that being around her puts me in a bad mood - she likes to project her emotions and feelings onto me She asks me why I'm in a bad mood, when I'm actually in a pretty GOOD mood, and then I notice its HER in a bad mood. And when I tell her I'm not, she starts an argument that PUTS me in a bad mood. Or, she tells me I'm being bullheaded about something, when I know that she is the one being unreasonable... I just don't want to do to my DH what she has done to my dad - he is sort of emotionally-blank, and looking back over the years, I see that its b/c she has always told him what to think, feel, and do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • To: op

    I see...

    1.- Are you're parents still married?
    2.- Do you love your mother Yes or NOT?
    3.- Are you doing something nice for her on her Day? Will your children do something nice for grandma?
    4.- Do you feel that your husband uses the "like mom like daughter" argument to win any discussion?
    Energ8zr

    Answer by Energ8zr at 4:57 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

  • OP - Energ8zr - Yes, my parents are still married. Just celebrated their 30th anniversary this year.

    I DO love my mother, like I said. But lately I've just been seeing things I think I was blind to before.

    Of COURSE I'm doing something nice for her on Mother's Day - I always, always do. Sometimes I'm the ONLY one that does.

    My DH doesn't use any argument to win discussions - he just lets me win. I HATE that. I sometimes WISH he would argue with me, because I hate feeling like I'm "controlling" him, but he never stands up for himself. And even when I ask him his opinion, he almost always says, "Whatever you want". I feel like he is enabling me into becoming just like her, even though he has mentioned before that he doesn't like the way she is sometimes....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 PM on Apr. 29, 2010

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