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Reassurance - Please !!

Tuesday night I asked the question .. would you turn your child in ?
Wednesday afternoon - I did.
I took my 13 year old son to the police - thinking this was the hardest thing I would ever do - turning my 13 year old over. I was wrong.
I had to sit and listen to his full in detail confession of the sexual abuse that he was forcing upon his younger sibilings. And then today.. to listen to their statements of what had happened.
I love my son, and I can forgive him for what he has done. But... because of the things that he has done.. will most likely never be able to return home in his child hood.
We are seeking counceling for all the kids.. and for my DH and Myself.
Has anyone else out there been thru this.. what comes next?
How do you make it thru each day.. feeling the relief of stress in the house.. and yet the hole in your heart that your child is locked up in a cell miles and miles away ?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:50 AM on Apr. 30, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • first of all,
    I AM SO SORRY!! i wish i could hug you right now. my heart just dropped reading your post. words can not explain your grief. iam so sorry. please know that youa re not alone. i know you must feel that you are right now. the whole in your heart will be there for a life time, but maybe when you are stronger you can reach out to other people that are and have been in your shoes. there is some reason why your son has done this, i would erge you to find out. this same stuff could have happen to him at one time. dont give up on him or your family. but do you best as a mother to protect everyone. and keep all of our kids safe. your sone is a changed person now and forever. i am so sorry. my heart goes out to you. if you ever need a shoulder, i am here. : ) much love and kindness to you and yours.
    Preggydyke

    Answer by Preggydyke at 2:00 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • The relief of the stress at home is putting it mildly. You stopped a horrible cycle of abuse and for that I commend you for finding the courage to reach out for help. I know it doesnt hold much comfort now, but you did the right thing, as a parent, as a mother who needed to protect her other children. If you hadnt had taken this course of action who knows where this would have led too. Your son needs help, he is in the right hands and will get counseling and assistance to move on from this. You know in your heart this was the right thing to do,,,there where no other optioins. Im so glad to hear that you are getting into counseling along with the rest of the family. Use the counselors,,call when it hurts so much, lean on them for support, you will all make it through this together and your son will be a better person in the end for the counseling he is getting now with the right people that will help him,,,good luck and prayers
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • You did the right thing. He can get help now, that you would not be able to provide him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • you were doing the right thing.. my father took my brother to a strict boot camp for a day because he was being stupid, failing his grades when he's really smart, and making the wrong friends and disrespecting him.. unfortunately 1 day doesn't work.. maybe for 3 days but after that he was back in his cycle
    kittenripmaygo

    Answer by kittenripmaygo at 1:58 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • You are a very strong women and momma. I understand your pain and I want you know that your child is getting the help he needs and your other children are safe now. Don't put the blame on yourself cause this is NOT your Fault this is a sickness that your child has and he will get the help he needs and maybe one day be the son you would of wanted him to be but right now you have a sick child that needs space away from the family. Just be supportive to him and be there for your other children your other children are the once that need you right now believe that your not they are scarerd and feel very alone right now. Get the help you all need and thing in time will get better. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • i would suggest that you also make sure that he is getting good care where he is. it is so easy for strangers to hurt him where he is at too. dont assume he is getting what he needs, make sure of it. good luck. we are all here for you.
    Preggydyke

    Answer by Preggydyke at 2:42 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Wow. I couldn't imagine going through this. I hope things can start to come together and your family can repair itself *hugs*
    SinaiJ

    Answer by SinaiJ at 2:43 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • OP here: I know that he is getting the care that he needs. I also know that he is very alone right now. He is ashamed of what he has done. He is hurting because he knows the hurt that he has caused.. not just to his sibilings.. but to us (his parents), his grandparents.. his family.. etc..
    I feel so torn right now.. like i have to be 2 different moms. The mother of the abuser.. to stand by him ... to love him unconditionally.. to forgive him..
    and also as the mother of the victims.. to protect them from further harm.. to make sure that they know i love them.. and even tho I love him.. that I will not let him ever hurt them again..


    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • You did the right thing. Having to do something like that is NOT easy. ((((HUGS))))
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • **Hugs to you Mama*** With the exception to the differences in the ages of the children involved, I could have written your posting myself. I am in exactly the same spot. In my near future (not sure when exactly) I can very realistically expect to be sitting in a courtroom with my daughter on one side (victim) and my son on the other (perp). The truth of the matter is that it is an ugly gory mess and no matter which way I turn SOME ONE is going down. There is no 'win' here...only losses. At this time while my family is 'walking through'....I can only take it one day, sometimes one hour at a time. To look any farther down the road than that would be to need locked in the psycho ward. At this point, I must support the victim. I am not adequately prepared to assist the perp here. I can so well relate to how very and truly painful it is to have one member of your own flesh hurt another in this exact way.....ctd.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

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