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How do you continue being a SAHM without feeling guilty?

I've worked until my first son was born. I have two children now.
My dh and I have arguments about his hobbies and things that he must purchase to fulfill these hobbies. I've asked him to stop buying guitars and digital cameras. Our credit card balance keeps getting higher.
He said that he will stop but doesn't understand why he works so hard and can't buy his things.
I feel so bad for having to stop his "dreams".
What do I do to make myself feel like I'm doing the right thing?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:26 AM on Apr. 30, 2010 in Money & Work

This question is closed.
Answers (79)
  • We all have to make sacrifices for our children. We used to go to concerts, lots of them, all the time. I haven't been to one in 5 years and you know what, I don't care! I'm happy to buy clothes, foods he enjoys, toys books etc any day rather than go to those concerts and not have him!

    Answer by AutumnLybbie at 1:43 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • You shouldn't have to feel guilty because you are not working and can't help provide for hubby toys. Your priority now is your child, the guilt should be on him, not you.

    Answer by older at 8:32 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Not true. If you both can't be happy without more money, then you should go to work too. Why, at Cafemom is it always assumed that women have the right to stay home? Why doesn't the husband have the right to have "toys"? I mean, if a woman here was saying she worked all the time, and her hubby did not work, and she felt shortchanged because she could never buy anything for herself, everyone here would be telling her to make him get a job!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Have you worked out the cost of you going back to work? For me, the cost of me working is MORE than the money I would earn (fuel, childcare, ect, ect)

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 8:38 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • anon sacrafices are made for the benefit of your children, I think wanting extras and that being the reason to go back to work and letting someone else bring up your child is pretty selfish. I could understand it if it was needed for the basics but for extras??? where are your priorities? Staying home is not a right it is priviledge and that goes for either parent.

    Answer by older at 8:39 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Life is about responsible choices. It costs money to put your children in daycare too, but if you can't life the quality of life you want to then you may have to figure something out to earn an income. Sometimes staying home isn't possible for some people. Is it fair that your husband works so hard to provide for his family, you stay home with the children, and he can't get some of the things he likes. Time to re-evaluate your life style. Set up a budget so he gets some money each paycheck. This is hard because I think if you can afford to be a SAHM then do it, but some people can't afford it in this day and age. I feel you are being selfish.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • STOP NOW!!! My husband and I did this....
    Well...4 credit cards later, totalling OVER 30,000 in debt and we are miserable! We can't pay our bills and credit cards anymore and now they're being charged off as bad debt.
    Debt is a horrible thing to be in!!!!!

    Why don't you tell him he can have anything he saves for? Like after bills and necessities are paid, save back some and then he can buy it...
    PURCHASING ON A CREDIT CARD IS NOT BUYING IT....IT'S CHARGING!!!!! YOU END UP PAYING OUT THE BUTT IN INTEREST. So that $200 camera becomes $250-300 by the time you "pay it off".

    I saw our balances going up and IGNORED IT!!! Don't be like me! Seriously! WE ARE MISERABLE IN DEBT!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Both of you should be on the same page. Looks like he is feeling deprived from his wants because he's the only one working, while your trying to make sacrifices to stay home with your children. Talk to your husband about what you all want for your family, whether its best for you to go back to work so that you can afford all the extra "toys" or continue to make sacrifices and cut out the extra stuff.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I've been a SAHW/M for 12 years. Sure, there's the reasoning that "we don't have the money" but I look at the advantages, too. I can be available for my kids at any time. If they're sick I don't have to take days off work. My evenings and weekends aren't spent rushing around cooking dinner, then trying to keep caught up on laundry & housecleaning & homework & other responsibilities. If I worked outside the home, I wouldn't have the time or energy to raise a vegetable garden & cook from scratch, both of which save us a LOT of money. I save money in gas, vehicle wear/tear, childcare, clothing (don't need work clothes), & more. When I decided to become a SAHW/M, we went over our finances & realized that what I would be saving was more than I was bringing home so the financial part wasn't an issue.

    I'm more valuable to my family than just a $$ value.

    Answer by michiganmom116 at 8:48 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I dont feel guilty cause i do things on the side to make extra money. My husband is the same way, but he can whine like a baby about not having toys, cause having shelter and necesaties are more important.

    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 8:48 AM on Apr. 30, 2010