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So do you all think that its selfish for a SAHM to go back to work just to have extra money?

i had someone tell me that and i also saw it in another question today. a lady on here told me that if we didnt "need" the money then i was being selfish in taking myself away from my kids to work a few nights a week. i do not think that is in anyway selfish of me or anyone else if thats their choice. i only work 2/3 nights a week from 5 until 10:30. my kids dont go to daycare, dh takes care of them or they go to grandmas. its only for a few hours. also whats wrong with daycare? in the other question it was a rant about "letting someone eles raise your kids", thats not the case at all, there are just some things that we as parents cant teach our kids, and thats how to behave and learn without us. i think that kids need the social interactions while they are young. my son has never spent more than a night or 2 away from me at a time with grandma, so he HATES strangers, even other kids. hes a mamas boy! DD was in dc at 8 weeks!!


Asked by secondtyme520 at 9:34 AM on Apr. 30, 2010 in Just for Fun

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Answers (27)
  • Why is it that women accuse eachother of being selfish for doing something that doesnt always put thier kids as #1? If a woman wants to work a few hours or do something that she enjoys doing just for the hell of it...(WITHOUT THE KIDS)...what is the big deal? Women are not just "MOMS" and "WIVES" but were "WOMEN" too and many of us tend to forget that sometimes because we have NO time to care for ourselves because its always about every one else.
    Would some consider it to be selfish to lock yourself in the bathroom for an hour to take a bubble bath and read a book ALONE a few nights a week?
    OP: I don't consider what youre doing to be selfish at all and whoever told you that must be jealous of you in some way.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:59 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • It is different for every one... for some people, they do make very selfish choices, and for others the choices they make are really in the best interest of their kids. Its really up to you to decide what is best for your family.


    Answer by VeronicaLee at 9:37 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • CONT'D.......she was being watched by a friend of the family who also kept 2 other kids. and that helped her be more comfortable out and about interacting with other ppl and kids. she then went to a larger daycare when she was 1, and they taught her more than i ever could, i was a full-time student with a job afterwards everyday! so i have been both a working mom full time and a SAHM and they both have benefits. but i work so that i can afford things that i want (i dont buy expensive things like clothes) but i will but things for the house, and pay for my internet (how would i survive without cafemom). and i take some of the pressure off DH by doing so bc he doesnt have to provide any spending money, i dont usually have to ask him for anything and we both prefer it that way.

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 9:38 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • NO WAY! thats the only reason i work is to bring in extra money...i'm fixing to take the summer off but i love having extra money for myself.

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:39 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • There are some moms too that NEED that time away from thier kids. I know that when I go out and do something I come home a happier mom and I'm able to be a BETTER mom.
    If your time when you are with them is quality then it shouldn't matter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I don't think it's selfish. I am looking for something like that too. In the evening or on weekends so DH could watch our kids and we wouldn't have to spend money on daycare, there aren't any evening daycares here anyway. I'd like us to have a little extra money for those just in case moments, car repair, one of us getting sick or hurt, or just anything. Plus it would be nice to be able to go get something for me every now and then.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 9:43 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I think it's fine for a sahm to work part time, or even have hobbies while the kids are with dad or gramma or whatever. My opposition is to moms putting their kids in daycare all day long because they want to be able to live a higher lifestyle than necessary. BUT, the great thing is that everyone can decide for themselves what's most important to them, however, I've never heard of kids thanking their moms later in life for all the hours she worked to provide a bunch of things. I have, however, known them to thank their moms for putting them first & being there for them as they grew up. It's all about priorities.

    Answer by BlessedMommy64 at 9:45 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I have been both a SAHM and a work outside the home mom. For me, working outside the home works better. The reasons for that are many, but most importantly, the money. For me, I leave home before 5:00 am. My DH takes our son to school, and I am home by the time he gets off the bus. So, no he is not being "raised by someone else". And the difference my job makes in the quality of our lives is this, we live in a neighborhood we could not afford if I did not work. He can attend all the school things, have activities and hobbies of his own, and we still have money to do things as a family. To me, the benefits of working, outweigh the benefits of me sitting home when he is in school.
    However, I don't disrespect SAHM. To me, it is a personal choice. I respect what SAHM's do, but I don't like being disprespected and constantly hearing how "someone else is raising my child" when that is not the case at all!

    Answer by mommy11260 at 9:47 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • It's bad for your kids and bad for your family. You are gone for the whole evening including dinner time. Research shows it's important for kids of all ages to have family dinners. You are expecting your husband to care for and entertain the childre or the children to entertain themselves. This may mean TV or they do whatever they want while your husband watches TV or plays video games. You don't say how old you children are. If they are under 3 they need to be cared for by one person.

    It could cost you your marriage. A child that hates strangers has issues and doesn't need his mom being gone 3 nights a week. You don't put kids in day care or with a sitter so they can learn things they can't learn from you.


    Answer by Gailll at 10:12 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • There is nothing wrong with it. It's also good for your husband to have that time with the children. People, especailly women, seem to think it's ok to put someone else down. It makes them feel better about themselves somehow. Research and statistics are bogus, so ignore those. My niece was in day care part time since she was 3 months old, and I can tell you that she is very well adjusted. She was more secure in her enviorment than most other kids I knew who's parent stayed home with them. So dont' let someone try and guilt you, it's only because they are insecure aboutr their own lives and choices.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:19 AM on Apr. 30, 2010