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How do you get an 18 yr old to see she is loud and it bothers people?

Last year when she was in the 12th grade she would stay up all night and talk on the phone bothering her sisters while they tried to sleep...Then get really pissey about being told to quiet down.
She is finishing up her first yr of college and her roommates don't want her back next year, but they are going to still room together. She is home now and is once again staying up all night playing music, video messaging with her BF and all the while with her door open. She does not understand boundries or how her behavior is really irritating and dis respectful. She says she doesn't know why her room mates doesn't want her back and she doesn't care. she is loud and outgoing and just doesn't "get it" that she needs to be quiet after a certain time...thing is she sleeps all day too.
I need any and all advice...please??


Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Apr. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • that's a tough one. You would think the roommates not wanting her back would have made an impact even if she didn't get it when you or her siblings complained to her. I would try talking to her about it again, but she may not get it until another roommate ditches her, which is very likely to happen. When it does resist the urge to say "I told you so" and ask her what she thinks the problem is. She needs to come to realize and believe this on her own before she will change. While she is home you can make rules at your house, but a real change isn't going to happen until she sees that it is a problem.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Record her, then play it back to her. I had to do this to a friend who never realized how loud & annoying he was. It worked. Luckily, he had a sense of humor & was not offended my by my recording. Sometimes, you cannot tell how you sound until you actually hear yourself.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:51 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Easy girl, 18 or not as long as she is in your house, she follows by your rules, confiscate the phone at a certain time. lay down rules, 18 or not. you dont go to someone else house and disrupt them and be rude and loud, so you need to make sure she does the same. and if she keeps getting kicked out of rooms, she may jsut someday find out the hard way. sounds like the type of person who needs to touch the stove to know its hot.

    Answer by SLVN_Jen at 11:52 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I'd just straight up tell her to quiet down, or find a new place to live. She's in college and over the age of 18... and it's your house.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • op here.....
    I did take away her phone because she didn't listen when I told her to hang up, it's late and people have to get up...she laughed at me saying, "That's not even your phone so go ahead and have it"...laughing not "getting it"

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Honestly, when she is being disrespectful, i would start taking things away - as someone else said, it is your house whether she is 18 or not she does not have the right to disrespect you or her siblings.

    In the morning or whenever the two of you are not upset, have a heart to heart talk with her. Explain that yes, it is great to be outgoing, have fun and all that, but when you live with people you have to give them the respect of privacy, certain hours where she has to be quiet so that others can sleep. You need to establish house rules about times when its okay to be loud, when the door should be shut, expectations for the summer, etc. you need to establish consequences for those actions. You could make a contract and have you both sign it. If she isn't willing to respect the other people in your house, I would explain that she needs to find an apartment or somewhere else to live.

    I would have her get a job too.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:21 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Are you her mother?

    Answer by Suzy_Sunshine at 2:54 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • She needs to find a part -time summer job while she's home and your house, your rules. She can either be respectful of your rules, or she can move somewhere else for the summer. End of story.

    My twins are 20 yr sold and have rules when they are home from school. If they go out with friends in the evening, they are to come home quietly since they have younger siblings. Cell phones - we currently pay the bill - are to be downstairs in the common area at night. They also can have no computers in their rooms. Our rules - end of story.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 4:20 PM on Apr. 30, 2010