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relationship!!!

my fiance and i have been together for 7 years and 2 boys and for as long as i can remember my fiance has gone to porn weither movies, internet or whatever, lately i found a husler magazine hidden in his car under his seat, he refuses to give me the dvd that came with it, i have found others and destroyed them, he either lies about the findings or blames them on our 12 year son, when it comes to the internet porn.he says he does all of this due to the fact that we only have sex about 2 times a month now, and i hate it when he even touches me, help me please. i dont know what to do. i believe i dont allow him to touch me is due to the fact of all this built up with him lying about the porn and other stuff., i am completely turned off by all of this., do i love him of course i do but i am so hurt by all of this i dont know where to turn., and me just giving in to sex with him is just telling him its alright for him to do it!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:57 PM on Apr. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Time to trade him in a new model. If he hasn't manned up and married you after 7 years and some beautiful children, its time to move on. He can pay child support and you can find someone to make you happy. Do you want your kids to grow up just like him? They will.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Stop and think for a second. This is obviously a cycle. The more he lies about porn, the more stressed you get, the less sex he gets.. the more he looks at porn.

    You need to calm down about it, I know it upsets you to think about him looking at porn, so don't think about it. Stop checking the computer to see.. and stop searching his car.

    Good luck, hope this gets better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Porn is perfectly normal and really, isn't it better that he's taking care of himself rather than hounding you for sex?
    Also, he could be going out and getting it from SOMEONE else but he's watching some porn and masturbating...which would you prefer?

    My ex husband used to watch porn a lot. At first it bothered me but then I got over it.
    I way preferred it to the alternatives.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 2:00 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I agree with the first anon. Whether or not some people think porn is ok is irrelevant to your relationship: you do not want him viewing porn and his doing is disrespectful to you, ESPECIALLY LYING ABOUT IT! It sounds like he has a serious addiction. I also agree with the first poster, if he respects and loves you, why hasn't he married you? How long have you been engaged?

    In response to the second comment, DO NOT let this comment make you feel like it's your fault! That's horrible!

    And as for the 3rd, you may think it's ok, but porn can tear a relationship apart as it's doing in this case. It has affected the way my husband views me, and he hasn't looked at porn for a long time. Those images stay with men. It's sick for men to exploit women that way!

    OP, I think it's time for an ultimatum: he needs to choose between you and his addiction. If you, he needs help. If porn, you need to say "goodbye!"
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 2:16 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Why is this bothering you after 7 years and 2 children. I admit it would bother me too. but I would have gotten out of the relationship way back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • It does sound like a cycle. He's not getting sex so he turns to porn and you see the porn so you don't want sex. Someone has to stop the cycle. The question is who? The only deal breaker here to me is the lieing.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 3:18 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Okay so ha this been going on the entire relationship? cuz if it has, you put up with then, you, why is it a problem now? are you mad with him for watching the porn? or lying about it? does he have some sort addiction? and you are using sex as weapon. you are with holding sex because of anger, and that is unhealthy for any situation. i say talk to him, make some compromises....he's a man honey, and if he's not getting it from you...HE WILL FIND IT.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

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