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Any advice regarding the Ferber technique?

My husband would like to start using the Ferber technique to put our 13 month old to sleep tonight. We have been co-sleeping. I am feeling a great deal of anxiety about this. Any suggestions or advice??

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Asked by hollysybb at 3:14 PM on Apr. 30, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (13)
  • Well I know there are tons of answers to this.. due to our son's severity of his colic and after trying a ton of methods, we HAD to because he was waking every 1/2 hour on the hour for days in a row.. he just never learned to self sooth.. I was mentally exhausted and as a family we were running on no other options. it DID work for us - however its very hard as his mommy to listen to your baby so be prepared for that - BUT.. whatever you decide to do .. be consistant.. any amount of inconsistancy your baby will WILL know this and it will make it TONS harder.. FYI - my son has cried over 2 hours before.. ugh.. good luck. he's 2-1/2 and stopped sleeping through the night 6 months ago and Now I can't bring myself to do this again..

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:20 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I just did this with my 12 month old DD. The first time I tried was at nap... she took an hour to fall asleep.. then was up 45 min later. That was the longest she cried though. It took about three days to get her to sooth herself to sleep... and I'm still on my first week of doing it. So far it's not really working for naps... but it is for night time... well.. kinda.. she's still breastfed at night, so she ends up cosleeping for the last part of the night, but I could really care less. I wanted her in her own bed so that DH and I could actually have SEX once in a while!!! OMG. By the time she wakes up at night.. we'd already be done with that.. :P
    Good luck.

    Btw, I find that the most important part is the routine you set up. Like for naps, I give her lunch, change her diaper, play this little piggy with her, and then I put on music with her, and then I give her a toy and say good night. At night she gets a bath first.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Thank you for the advice!! That is one of the biggest reasons for wanting her to sleep in her own "bed.." I need my Hubby back! Miss sex whenever we like in the night as well as just cuddling! I am just so not ready to hear her cry and cry!!! Think that will be Mommy's time to go for a walk or a drive. Dr. told us to not have me go into the room as I am trying to stop breastfeeding. Oh this Motherhood is quite challenging isn't it! How do you handle it in the middle of the night when they wake up and you aren't supposed to go in there for five minutes??!!? What if they are scared and need you right away?

    Answer by hollysybb at 4:15 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I know, who could possibly prepare you for the guilt and heartache of some of these moments right.! ugh. now that my son is 2-1/2 I have a much harder time NOT going to him so I've resorted to going to him every time he wakes but he's also older and we can talk but as a baby.. when we went through the CIO .. No, I couldn't go to him. My Dr actually recommended to go outside and have some wine to help me sleep at night or it is enough to just make you scream and cry yourself.. ugh.. good luck mommy...

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:21 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Buy the book and read it all the way through first. We Ferbered our first 2 kids (probably saved our marriage), but there is a ton of misinformation on the internet about Ferber. He is not about CIO.

    We did Ferber with our DD when she was 13 months old, co-sleeping, and nursing every 45 min. After reading the book and better understanding sleep, I Ferbered our next child at 6.5 months old and it went way better.

    Read the book. Be loving when you go in on the checks and when your baby cries remind yourself you aren't evil. You aren't neglecting her. You are going in there to soothe ever so often.

    Finally, be sure to give her a sippy cup that doesn't leak of water in her crib. That way you know she isn't getting thirsty.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:27 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Oh, and I stopped the night time BFing the same time I Ferbered and I was the one that did the checks. I don't agree with your dr. I think stopping BFing AND not checking on her is too much withdrawl at once. She still needs you.

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:29 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I wouldn't go from co-sleeping right to CIO, I hate CIO and find it cruel, but in my eyes it is even worse to do it to a baby who is used to sleeping with her comfort then babies who are used to sleeping in their own beds.

    Try this site, it isn't against CIO but has some really good guidelines and information.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 4:33 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Thank you all so much again for your support and answers. I really need it!!

    Answer by hollysybb at 5:04 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Just know that it doesn't work for every child. It worked for my son in 3 days, he went from being rocked to sleep and waking up in the night and needing to be held to go back to sleep, to reading a book, tucking him in and him going to sleep on his own and sleeping through the night. The first night was the hardest, but even that night I think I only went back in maybe 4 times. The second night I think it was twice, the third night I think I went back in once, and he didn't cry again after that.
    It didn't work for my daughter, she would become absolutely hysterical every time I went back in. So if I left her five minutes her crying would start to calm down slightly, then I would go in to comfort her and she would become hysterical, I would leave and she would start to slightly calm down after 5 or 10 minutes, I would go back in and she would become hysterical again. On and on. Hopefully it will work for you.

    Answer by mybella81 at 5:26 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I agree,, my son is the type where the more you go to him to comfort him, the worse of we ALL our, he only gets more upset by my comforting.. which as a mommy of ONLY him, that tore me up and still tears me up- but it no fail, always made things worse..

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:44 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

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