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Is it wrong that I feel so jealous of my siblings?

I have two younger siblings and a SIL. I'm jealous because they all get tons of financial help from their parents. They are all totally irresponsible with their money, or are just not making any (my brother hasn't worked in 2 years and can't support his daughter... he's still living at home with my mom). My SIL just took $3000 from her mom to pay off the debt she incurred on BidRay buying crap she didn't need.

I wouldn't be jealous if it weren't for the fact that we are in some desperate financial situations through no fault of our own, and no one can help us, because they have to support our siblings. I'm pregnant, all we need for this baby is a carseat and some diapers (we cloth diaper to save money) and I have no idea how we're going to get them.

I feel like irresponsibility has been rewarded and because we have always supported ourselves, we're being punished. How awful am I?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Apr. 30, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • First of all, skip the snotty answers you got here. Second, irresponsibility is rewarded and that is wrong. We are not in a great financial spot ourselves and we have seen tons of what you are describing so I can understand where you are coming from. But I look at it like this: we are adults and those other people who refuse to get their lives together are not and probably never will be because their mommy and daddy bail them out all the time. And as we have seen a lot of times, eventually the well runs dry and they have to stand or fall with no help. I think that when you are doing better, and you will get through this, you just have to get creative, you will say you are glad you didn't rely on your parents or in-laws for help.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:10 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • You are an adult. If your in debt it is your fault and no one else's. Get a job or your husband get a second job but you can't run to mom and dad every time your in a bind.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 4:52 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • You can feel jealous or angry about it or you can let go of those feelings and just worry about yourself. If you are pregnant you shouldn't be expecting help from family. You should have figured out how you are going to support your baby. You need to take responsibility. If you can't even figure out how to get a car seat and diapers you may want to look into adoption.


    You call hospitals and tell them you need a car seat. You put an ad on craigslist. You get on a bus and go to yard sales and buy one for $5. You call non-profit agencies that help pregnant moms or the homeless and ask. You ask at WIC if they know how to get one. You need to breastfeed, WIC does not give enough formula.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 4:55 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • You can go to La Leche League meetings for free. If you don't have transportation someone may be able to give you a ride. Moms there will know how to get one. Someone at the LLL meeting may have one their baby has outgrown.


    Many cities have diaper banks where you can get free diapers. You can ask at WIC or your health department. They give disposable diapers. They have this long list of why disposable and not cloth. If you want cloth LLL moms may know where to get some.


    Stop thinking about yourself and take action.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:00 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Irresponsibility is absolutely rewarded. That's always the way it is. We don't ask anyone for anything, but someone I know can just say "Wahhh, I need" and people are bending over backwards to give it to them. If we can't afford something at a given moment (we won't go into debt for it), we just wait, or go without, or whatev. We don't have anyone to turn to if something dire did happen.

    That's life. Some of us will always be the adults and some of us will always be the children.
    heatheryn

    Answer by heatheryn at 5:02 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • OP here.

    Actually, the debt really isn't our fault, though I definately see where you're coming from on this one. We had a bunch of medical expenses that piled on top of us at once, and insurance with high deductibles. I really promise that I haven't run to family EVER for financial support. EVER. Not once. Is it really that wrong to want some help? Isn't it better than being on PA?

    Do you have any recommendations on how to go about getting a job? I mean, I'm 6 months pregnant... they're not supposed to disciminate, but they do. And then paying for childcare... I just don't know how it's gonna happen so that it actually brings in money.

    Gailll, I hope you realize how hurtful and nasty it is to tell a pregnant woman who very much wants her baby that she should consider adoption. I respect your opinion, but seriously, that was way out of line.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • : Gailll
    You can feel jealous or angry about it or you can let go of those feelings and just worry about yourself. If you are pregnant you shouldn't be expecting help from family. You should have figured out how you are going to support your baby. You need to take responsibility. If you can't even figure out how to get a car seat and diapers you may want to look into adoption.

    Unbelievably rude and completely inappropriate.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 5:11 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I was five months pregnant when I got hired at Walmart. And yes, medical bills are your fault along with you choosing what insurance.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 5:12 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • Very diplomatic reply OP. I agree, way out of line and ridiculious to tell a pregnant woman to consider adoption because she is facing financial problems. OP- several pregnancy help centers have free new carseats and so do some carseat safety check organizations. As for the cloth diapers- check out swapmamas.com and see if there is something you can swap some mamas for their cloths. Also look up your local freecycle group. And look into EC - Elimination Communication so you need less (and because it's great). It's not wrong to wish you had familial support, interdependence within the family is normal within most cultures- everyone works together to take care of the whole families' kiddos and all work to support everyone. I am lucky to know if we ever ran into trouble, we have parents that will help us if they can. I'm sorry you don't have that but dwelling on it might just hinder your progress and emotional health. Good luck!
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 5:21 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • OP here

    Sara, could you please explain how my daughter and my husband needing medical attention is our fault? I tried REALLY hard to either make them wait to see the regular doctor or the urgent care clinic, but they were seriously, SERIOUSLY ill and no one was available to help us except the ER, which was out of network for us. Or how I am supposed to choose a different insurance when that's all that is offered to us? I take responsibility for my actions, but this really was beyond my control.

    I will check and see if there are any jobs available at our Walmart, though, thank you for that suggestion.

    Wildflowers, thank you so much for the words of encouragement. You're right, I can find a way to make this work without any help, and you're right that it will feel good afterward to know we did it. We've been through tougher without help, we can do this!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

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