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was i wrong for losing my cool with my boyfriend?

we have been together 4 years and have lived together 3. im a sahm but i work part time just to have spending money. he pays a bulk of the bills and i take care of the smaller stuff. we're not married and he makes this very apparent in the way he handles his money. notice i say HIS money. we agreed that i would be a sahm so that no daycare was needed and the house would be taken care of. I just work 2/3 nights. he gets all grumpy when his bank account is less than $1000 and now its around $800 so hes on a rampage most days about that. and i try very hard not to touch his money, or ask him for any. we dont really go out that much maybe every 2 weeks. he doesnt really buy me anything, he would rather save which is cool. but he just said that he wants to save $ and stop im the one who does the spending. so i told him not to ask me since he doesnt include me in any of his spending and im not responsible for it


Asked by Anonymous at 5:55 PM on Apr. 30, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • First off, lets not make this a marriage/non-marriage thing. If you've committed to each other and your offspring, and you agreed TOGETHER that this is the way you want your household and relationship to run, to me it's as good as being married. Your tax filing status should have nothing to do with your responsibilities to each other (this is directed to Anon 3:14 PST). If you're not spending any of "his" extra money, and you're using some of "your" earnings to benefit the household and family, I don't see why he has an issue. That being said, I think it's great that he seems to be a financially responsible partner. It's not okay for him to get angry or blame you for his account dipping below his comfort level, but maybe you could put aside some money, too. It never hurts to have a couple extra hundred for a rainy day or emergency. Due to his outlook on things, however, you should save "your" money in "your" account.

    Answer by BethLopez at 7:11 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • I feel bad for you. But it kinda sounds like my SO. But my question is when are they going to get over that. Because seriously I don't think I can take it much more. It not yours or mine its ours. What kinda of relationship is that.??

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:59 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • That's just confusing. I don't think there's any right answer when it comes to living together, because you really don't have any say over each other's stuff, but it's inevitable that you will stumble over each other. I'm a firm believer in marriage and in "What's mine is ours." Good luck with that! What's keeping you from getting married?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • " i work part time just to have spending money" Do you give him your money? It's a two way street, if you don't want or like his 'my money' attitude, you also have to make sure that you aren't doing exactly the same thing. I can totally understand how this has happened, & why you have to work for your spending money, but if you want him to start seeing you as an equal partner, you have to hold yourself to the same standard. If your money is your spending money, but his wage is for household bills etc, I can see how he has the view that you are living off his money & there isn't reciprocation.I'm not saying he's correct, just that I can understand it.
    My hubby has had this attitude for 21 yrs, I have worked on & off, &it doesn't change much, because he was always on more money b/c I have taken all responsibility of kids so he can advance in his career) so he still thinks its more his. Penises -who'd want them ??

    Answer by myheartx4 at 6:14 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • You don't really have a leg to stand on here. You aren't his wife. His money is NOT your money. You chose to have a child with a man and play house. You can't expect him to act committed to your household when you aren't married.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Apr. 30, 2010

  • OP HERE - RE:bethlopez yes i stated in my question that i also pay bills. i get paid $120 every 2 weeks and he gets paid over $800 every 2 weeks. all the bills he pays can be taken care of in one of his checks. i on the other hand have to make $60 stretch a whole 2 weeks after i pay my small bills and pick up things for the house. i pay for things when i can, but thats the point i never can im supposed to be a SAHM and im sorry but i took that to mean he was going to be financially responsible for me also since i cant work like i used to

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Apr. 30, 2010