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Would you still want to have another if your DH said no?

I'm having baby fever... and it's not like I want to go out and get pregnant tomorrow, but I do see myself getting pregnant sometime this year. DH said no.. his reasons: He's enjoying my body (i've been losing my weight getting ready to have another baby), He thinks our DD is still too young (she's 12 months old right now), and also he thinks it's too expensive right now (I handle the money and know we can afford it).
But even though he's saying no... I still want one.. and it's causing us to argue :(
This will be our last child, as we plan to only have two...
PS: one reason I'm rushing another baby so soon is because I want to be able to continue college when the kids go to school... and having kids is keeping me at home with them (breastfeeding and not able to pump enough).
Any advice? or bashing.. I really could care less what you say as long as I get some good insight!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:23 AM on May. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • i was in a similar situation, but we have a 9 year old, 5 year old and a 2 year old, (the 9 year old is his, the younger two are mine) i wanted to have all my kids and get it out of the way so that when they were all in school i could be going to school and then work. but my SO said no, so now i'm in school and it's on hold, anytime i bring it up we seem to argue, so i guess it'll happen when it's right. probably not what you want to hear, but as much as i want a baby, i want it to be when we are both ready, so that we are both happy and excited about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • Its different for everyone some people like their kids close together some dont. Looking at it from you DH's point of view, your baby is only 12 months old and those first 4 months your body just isnt right, heck that first year your body still feels sort of alien and not like your own. Plus your dealing with getting up at night and baby hanging on 24/7, Dh is probably just happy to have a little time with you and your feeling more like yourself again so he is enjoying having you back to "normal". Maybe he needs to have a litlle bit of normalcy before having another baby.

    Is your outlook purely that you just want to have the baby and get it over with so you can move on with school and raising your family? or do you truly have "baby fever"? For me I didnt get that fever till my babies turned 2 then it hit becuase they were no longer a baby. Maybe putting it off a year would be a good compromise.

    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 4:34 AM on May. 1, 2010

  • Truthfully you both should agree to this. Did you tell him the reason you want to have another one right now? If not you need to.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:15 AM on May. 1, 2010

  • I think louise2 is right, having another baby (or not) is something you both have to be in agreement with. I suggest you both sit down and talk about it, make a list of 'pros' and 'cons' and let him know your reasons. I would also ask him what his timeframe is (when was he thinking of adding to the family) and see if you can come up with a compromise that works for both of you (like if he is thinking 6yrs from now, could you compromise on 3 yrs-- type of thing).
    For me and my hubs I told him I wanted 2-4 children, he said maybe 2. Well we had #1, then 2yr later #2 and we thought we were done. But in 2004 we had a surprise (although that ended in a miscarriage) and after that both hubs and I decided we did want to have a #3, and that one would be our last. In 2006 we had our #3, and he is the very last.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 9:39 AM on May. 1, 2010

  • I will tell you kids that close in age are so hard. My first 2 are 22 months apart and my 2nd and 3rd are 25 months apart. My youngest is 2 and I'm jsut now starting to loose weight and feel myself. If DH said he wanted to wait. i would wait a few months and discuss it again.
    J.Norman

    Answer by J.Norman at 9:53 AM on May. 1, 2010

  • i think you should wait, why have another baby if your husband isnt going to be happy. I think you should wait until you both agree, so when you do get pregnant, your BOTH happy and not just you.having two kids is sooooo much diff then having one. my son is two, and im dieing to have another one. but the day my husband tells me his ready, im going for, i want us to be happy with the new baby, not just me happy, and him all depressed, please wait AND talk with your husband. good luck !
    yamil519

    Answer by yamil519 at 10:59 AM on May. 1, 2010

  • I personally, would not try nor want to have another child if my husband was not also on board. Having a child, that both aren't wanting and planning, can cause problems in a marriage. Many believe that having a child will bring a marriage closer, bring a couple together. But a child that is not wanted and planned by both parties can have the opposite affect, and cause resentments,streses and push a couple apart.

    I'm a firm believer that a child should be planned and wanted by both parents.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:43 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • I think if you cant agree then dont do it.

    Wait til the beginning of next year to rediscuss it(or at least til the end of this year). Give him a few months to enjoy what he's enjoying and let it all sink in. He knows how you feel and you dont need to keep reiterating it.

    You never know...in a couple months he could have an "awakening" and want to go for it.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 1:54 PM on May. 1, 2010