Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)


How do I get my partner to follow my lead, when it comes to house cleaning? I was told not to nag and complain, but "lead by example." So I am constantly cleaning house, clean my dishes after Im done eating, picking up behind myself, etc. And I do all this with a 2yr and 3mo. BFeeding. I figure if he see's how nice everything looks and smells it would motive him to do the same most of the time. So far, not much luck with that.

Answer Question

Asked by novice2008 at 7:51 PM on May. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (176 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • are u working full-time/part- time or a SAHM? ok im n ot trying to be a sexiest or an as***** but here are my opinions.. they might be liked by ALOT of women. im a house wife myself. and im constantly complaining to my DH that he does not help around the house. but that is MY job. he doesnt come to me when he's having trouble at work or needs help at his office. he quietly takes care of everything himself. he makes sure every month bills are paid , cars are full with gas, yard work is done, insurance is taken are of and i get clothes/supplies/food and everything else. then i want him to come home and do the dishes as well?? ok helping now and then is a good taking care of the baby on weekend when u catch up on ure sleep or helping load the dishwasher when u have guests over or even cleaning the bathroom/bedroom when ure busy cooking for a party(my DH do helps in this), but not everyday.and im fine with that

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • talk to him. voice to him that you want his help.
    communication is key.

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 8:00 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • oh. and you can do that without "nagging".
    sit down and have an adult conversation about it.

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 8:01 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • I have to say if you are a SAHM then anon :58 is right. I work full time and cook, clean and take care of the kids. I don't expect my hubby to do anything so when he does help out I fine myself feeling warm and fuzzy.

    Don't nag on him just ask him like a loving wife if he can give you a hand with something and im sure he will do that for you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • you don't have to nag or complain, but you can ask him to help - & there is nothing wrong with asking for help. I agree to an extent with anon, but I do think if he does absolutely nothing to help, that's not fair. Where is your weekend off, your down time, your lunchbreak, your holiday leave. It' nice to be SAHM on top of all & when hubby gets home all he has to do is pick up the remote... but it is also grossly unfair if he works an 8 hr day & you are on your feet from 6am til 11pm. You don't need to nag about it, but ask for help on a specific thing " will you please get the washing in for me honey?" (and then say thankyou after) Yes you will need to ask, each time you need help with something, but that is okay, just ask for the help when you need it. And on the weekends it is a fair expectation that the chores, childcare etc is shared. Just be sure that if he does a job for you, you don't then criticise how it is done

    Answer by myheartx4 at 8:16 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • stop complaining and get a job !! then u can see how much stress he goes though to put food on the table. house work is NOTHING compared to office work. get a job, hire a sitter for ure kids and THEN u can complain to ure DH that he should help around the house. if ure a SAHM then seriously stop complaining because thats YOUR job and he's doing HIS job without asking for ure help. get over it !! or get a job

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • He does not see the need to help around the house if you are doing it well buy yourself. Do this. Stop cleaning so much.Gradually stop altogether. See what happens.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:42 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • ok now people like louise are kind of women who create conflicts between couples giving them wrong advices !! neglecting ur housework means neglecting ure kids too. ok u feed them. but what about laundry, cleaning and etc. u want them to live in an unhealthy and dirty environment ? also ure DH will not get meals on time hence fights between u too. ok how would u feel if one day he comes home and tells u he quit his job and wants u to help in earn a living in order to run ure home? terrible right ?
    i agree with ANON 8;40pm. if ure a SAHM then ure doing ure job (which u chose to do im sure, no one forced u. you could have continued working and not have kids and raise a family) and he's doing his without complaining. be a good wife not a rebellious one is asking u to be his slave.ask him nicely to help around with a thing or 2 around the house and im sure he will.and stop listening to ppl like louise !!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • Tough room sister! I want to talk about my dad. He has passed on,,but he was an amazing man. I watched him go to work all day and come home,,,,sure he had his down time. But he was there for my mom,,,no matter what. He loved to help clean up the dishes,,until I was old enough to take over! He would have done anything she asked of him. My mom didnt ask much of him in the way of household chores. But,,dad was always working on the weekends. The lawn, the garage, the cars,,he was always busy. Maybe look to the things hubby does around the house that you normally dont notice. Like the examples from my dad. I am divorced,,thank God,,but I worked full time and I held a grudge too with my ex, when I would go from work to mommy and trying to maintain a home,,,,,it was horrible liviing with that anger and resentment. You can let it eat you up,,or you can let it go and focus on the good qualities of your guy,,,

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • Honestly I believe the same way the first anonymous does :)


    Answer by pjacademy at 9:04 PM on May. 1, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.