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Hi I'm a mother of 4 and one of them is a step daughter from a previous relationship of my husband. I'm quite concern for my step daugher who is 10. She has been in my life since she was 10 months old. I'm concern when she is not with us.Her mother has not worked for several years and lives off the child support that my husband gives her monthly.She lives with her parents and has been living with them all these years. She does not strive for anything better for herself or her daughter.

The residential home is very unstable they change places 2-3 times a year because of money issues. My concern is this year my step daughter is doing very poorly in school. In the 2nd quarter she received 3 F's on her report card but her mother told her not to say anything to her dad, but she tells me everything. On the 3rd quarter she received 3 D's .She has always been a good student and loved school. Since last year she does not like to go to school. Reading which is her best subject and would get A's now she is receiving F's. I have found drawings in her room and they are all disturbing. Pictures of devils and stuff saying "I'm going to kill you". If anyone can offer some advise. She is my daughter and I don't want anything bad to happen to her.

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Zee24

Asked by Zee24 at 9:41 PM on May. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • So your DH has his DD only part of the time? He could pay for counsiling for her. He could try to get full custody of her.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:50 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • Tell her that you are my daughter when you are here and I don't want anything bad to happen to you I love you.
    Let her know you will always be there for her and if she ever needs anything you guys will be there. As far as her mom there is not much you can do if she don't want to better her self well that is her lazy ass problem I know how you must feel paying her cs every week or month especially when is not working its like supporting her and her parents in a sense I am in the same boat in that part. Back to your daughter just continue to love her the way you always have and will let her know you really need to start doing better in school or you will have to go to summer school and if you don't pass summer school you will have to repeat that grade while your friends be moving up a grade. Just keep in couraging her she will be fine she is probably sensing what is going on in her life between her biomom and you guys.
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:53 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • Hang in there you sound like a very good person (mommy) she will appreciate you for it. Take Care!
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:54 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • i dont know the custody arrangement here, but i would do what you can to help her while she is with you. i agree with butterfly's advice as well. have you guys tried talking to the school? i would be e-mailing or just going in & talking with the teacher. again, i dont know your full situation...I am a SM, but everyone in the school pretty much knows that I am more involved than their BM (& even SO). i do all the homework again finally with SKs. I love it because that way I can help her to improve & do well. Depending on the severity of the pictures, i would think about the counseling. I would want to know if there has been a significant behavior change recently with you guys & at school. I would also try talking to her. i would remind her you love her, & that if there is anything going on that she wants to talk about you are there for her, as always.

    I wish you the best of luck! Are you guys able to go for custody?
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:08 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • Louise2 - yes he only has per part time. The bio mother never tells us what is happening like when she is sick or something. She hides everything from us. Just imagine this when my husband got tired of having to wait so late to pick her up that he showed up at her school one day and he was not even on the information sheet of the school. He has all equal rights as the mother because he filed a paternity suit years ago and they told him that he has the same rights as the mother.
    Zee24

    Answer by Zee24 at 10:08 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • No she hasn't changed her behavior with us. She knows the rules are different at our house she has her own room and she must maintain it like picking up after herself and making her bed which is very different from her mom's because they live like a slob over there. I know that her mom loves her and it would "suck" to have her taken away from her and I believe that will affect her also don't get me wrong I would Love for her to be with us of course if she is in danger I will take legal action.
    Zee24

    Answer by Zee24 at 10:17 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • I don't know your situation regarding custody but perhaps that needs to be addressed - sounds like she really needs the stability that it seems you and your husband could give her-if its possible to get custody I'd work on that.Until that situations changes (if possible) she should at least be in counseling.Someone needs to get to the bottom of her issues - it sounds like she is really in need of help with what she is drawing and writing - that is disturbing:( Just the fact that her grades have gone down is a red flag in and of itself. Has she expressed to you what is bothering her? Help her to seek help - school counselors should be available. You can also call her local dyfs to seek counseling as well as other types of advice - they are supposed to be available in situations just like hers - to help out before something really bad happens but most people just don't know that - ask around and you'll find help -good luck.
    momofthreekjs

    Answer by momofthreekjs at 10:31 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • Those seem like signs of abuse. You need to see if your husband can get full custody, get her into counseling. I would confront her biological mother about the failing grades and the pictures. Any kind of behavior change can indicate abuse or at the very least a negative influence.
    lilystar

    Answer by lilystar at 11:23 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • I would get emergency custody, do not take her behavior lightly, and when you do get her get therapy...she will get better once she is stable
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on May. 1, 2010

  • Honestly I would make sure she got into therapy. What she is writing is a sign something is wrong Mama. Sometimes kids that are neglected or abused will write such things like that. She may not be abused but having difficulty in the BM's situation.   My heart goes out to you because you love her so much and want whats best. You can't do anything about the looser bio Mom but you and your DH can get the little one help.

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 3:57 AM on May. 2, 2010

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