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If I have nothing to lose I shouldnt sign a consent judgement,should I?

I have a 10 year old daughter that has lived with her father and stepmom for the past 3yrs.I was arrested for solicitation and have had supervised visitation ever since.I have recently retained an attorney to modify the custody order and today the stepmom tells me they have an 'offer"for me that they would like to talk to me about.They would agree to me having her every Sunday for 8 hours,but no overnight visits.She said "I have to take baby steps"and maybe in a year they would consider it!In return they would like my daughter to have her fathers last name.I feel like its to late,shes half of 18 and she knows her name.I think that "offer"is insane and told her absolutely not,see you in court.Am I wrong in thinking im getting overnight visits?Its been 3 years since I was charged with a misdemeanor or had my daughter more than 12 hrs a month in which I pay a social worker to supervise.I feel like they cant take anymore away....

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:48 AM on May. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (17)
  • Deals need to be made through the courts. Ask your lawyer for advice. If you don't have one, get one, because you won't get what you are after if you don't have your own representation. As for changing her last name, she's old enough to have an opinion about it. Have a private conversation with her about it, but make sure she knows it's okay no matter what she wants to do, and you will back her up. Then, if you don't like her opinion about it, you back her up anyway.

    Answer by 3gifts.from.god at 2:16 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • they cant take away what? i hope you do understand you did the crime. I think its so great you wanna be a good mom again..but you need to understand all they are doing is protecting her,im possitive they wanna trust you again but you have to give them time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • It is hard to get a clear picture of the last ten years in one paragraph but I did hear a lot of "I" and "they" and not a great deal about what is best and safest for her. I hope all works out well for both you and your daughter.

    Answer by littlebehr1 at 2:18 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • i dont really understand how you were only charged with something small but you are still only aloud supervised visits after three years. I know people that have had there children taken by the state for selling drugs and had them back in there home a year later.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • I would like to clarify a few things in my question.I was charged with a misdemeanor and had to pay a fine and several hundred hours of community service as well as be on probation for a year.I completed everything and then began trying to retain an attorney.It took me this long to save the money for a retainer because in addition to paying child support for my daughter I also pay the court ordered social worker that supervises the visits $40 an hour.At the end of my question I meant that they couldnt take away any time from me because I only have her 12 hrs a month.Thank you for taking the time to reply.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • If you have already obtained an attorney than there is no offer, they can speak to your attorney and maybe through him you all can come to some kind of an agreement to modify parenting time. Judges and magistrates like when both parties can get along and try to work things out for the child(ren), but since you have already obtained an attorney then it is his/her job to go over the minute orders from past court dates and he will know exactly what motions to file and depending on what your asking for sole or shared custody then that's what a judge or magistrate will take into consideration, they also take how well the child has adjusted to living with dad and step-mom, how she is doing in school, etc.....and vise verse. It's all in the best interest of the child. Good luck.

    Answer by geminisummerz at 2:52 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • speak to your lawyer about this. that is the best way to go at this point. we do not know the entire story and this is a hard thing to give an opinion on .... my advice: go to lawyer on what the best for THE CHILD is.

    Answer by NOLAmommaKRYS at 3:38 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • You really shouldn't be talking to the stepmother at all. Your conversations with the father should be minimal. If you have supervised visitation there should be no reason you need to talk to the stepfather. If you have an attorney, the stepmother should talk to the father and he should talk to his attorney and that attorney should talk to your attorney.

    In the state where my son grew up it was very difficult to legally change a child's name if the child was under 18 or 21. Judges wouldn't do it and it couldn't be part of a "deal".


    Answer by Gailll at 4:31 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • ok first of all.. YOU ARE HER MOTHER. she does not deserve to be kept from you for any reason. i think 12 hours a month of supervised visitation for her to bond with HER MOTHER is INSANE. every little girl needs there mother FULL TIME. from the info that you have given, you do not sound like you are at risk to harm her. it sounds to me that you have paid your dept to society, at your daughters expense. the key word here is "STEP MOM"!!! she needs to back the f*ck out and let you and her FATHER handle this. you are doing the right thing, you need to go to your lawyer and tell them what she has said to you. next you need to get up everyday and fight for your baby girl. i will say this again, YOU ARE HER MOTHER AND SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER..nothing and i mean NOTHING is more important then that. no matter the age of the child.. create a paper trail for everytime they try to talk to you w/o your lawyer. and FIGHT for that girl. ;)

    Answer by Preggydyke at 4:32 AM on May. 2, 2010

  • ok since I just went through a custody hearing and read the info about this. The one thing they stress is what is BEST for the child.. not what is best for you or for the father and definitely the step mom who should not even be in the picture at this point. This is to be between you and your daughter's father. The step mom has no bargaining chip or say in the matter.
    I encourage you to document everything i.e. what she says, he says and you say.
    As for the name change that is up to your daughter. Who's name does she have, yours? Were you and the father ever married?

    Anyway like the PP said fight for her. It sounds like you did all you were supposed to do. I understand they are wanting to earn trust but you are still the girls mother period.

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 6:35 AM on May. 2, 2010

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