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Okay, what do I do?

I'll try to make this short and sweet..I am the step mom for almost 9 years, my s/s lives with us. See's his mother on the weekends. We always give a little extra to her in hopes that she would do the same for us. She never does. No, we do not get along, yes in front of the child. Whenever we ask to have a couple extra hours so we can do something she always says no, no, no. I have been at every school function since he's been with us for the last 3 years, she has not. She only started this year. I understand setting aside differences while the boy is around and I can do that. This is my problem. He's in fourth grade and has a school dance coming up, we are so pumped to go again, no she didn't go last year. So we have plans to dress up and go but she is saying no he needs to go with her instead. I dropped an invite to her saying she could come here and get ready with us. She said no, again. what do I do? see below

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on May. 2, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • should I just take him or should I bring him to his mother at the given time he should be there? Just take another one on the chin? I guess I'm tired of giving and giving and her not doing the same.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • I think you are caught between a rock and a hard place by the sounds of it. And it also sounds like there may be a court order. So with that being said I would do what you are suppose to do. Make arrangements to take him out to celebrate at a later date. Tell him what you want to do and do it another time. She isn't wanting to make things easy you will have to work around her. He is getting to an age where he will soon be able to speek (legally) for himself. GL
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 6:14 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • Well, thats her time with him. If she is trying to make a change and trying to spend more time with him and become more involved..then I would try to think that is great and encourage it. It must be hard for you form what you have said. It sucks when you have to deal with an adult that doesnt know how to compromise. But in this case and other circumstances I would just let it go. Let her son have his time with his mom. Even if you think she doesnt deserve it...he does.
    Why don' tyou and your hubby try to make evening plans for yourselves that night and enjoy eachother while she has him. Good Luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • Ex's can be nasty, sorry for what your going through. It looks to me like you are very involved with your step child, and that is really good. A lot of step mom's are often fake, but obviously the other mom see's that and takes advantage when she should be grateful. you have to stop arguing in front of him though, I know its really hard and you probably want to rip her hair out of her head but just try. If she continues to argue laugh at her, that will piss her off ;) Anyways, where is hubby in all of this? Make him talk to her, or try anyways. Its sounds like you really cant change her, all you can do is stand your ground with her. Good Luck
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 6:36 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • It's not that I don't think he deserves it, that's why we always give extra time. But she never does, that's the sucky part. I was really looking forward to dressing up with him again and having a fun night with him. thanks for all the advice. it was just what I was looking for.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • I say ask him what he wants. If he wants to go with you, go with him. If he wants to go with his mom, let her go while you and hubby go out on a date together.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 7:08 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • If SS lives with you then you have him the majority of the time. Why would expect her to give up some of her limited time with him so you could spend even MORE time with him? I'm not saying she shouldn't compromise sometimes (like for a family bday or something) but if it's her scheduled time with him I wouldn't interfere. If it were me and I only had visitation I wouldn't be giving it up so the custodial parent could spend more time with him. JMO
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • if it is her time, why not let her take him, but you and hubby go as well since it sounds like you guys were planning on going.

    last year, SKs were with BM on the weekend of the Spring Carnival. BM took the kids to the carnival, but SO and I went as well. We got to see the kids and have fun too. This year, we had the kids. We took them and BM didn't go. We are the ones who go to everything too (or rather I am the one that goes to everything - make doctor appointments, etc)....BM is the one who lets them down by not showing up to practices and games and such.

    So, I think if she is really wanting to take him, let her. I would just tell SS that you will see him there and go seperately. Then you can have a fun night with him. You will have to share it with BM, but I think you can make it work...even though its not ideal.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:07 PM on May. 3, 2010

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