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I'm finding myself to be very competative with a friend and I don't know how to stop being competative without not talking to her or having contact with her....it's really bothering me!!!

Please no bashing, but I'm wondering if any of you have ever had to overcome a competative attitude between you and a friend? We're not like best friends, but we are friends and I find myself trying to be better than her...just because I know that's how she is with other people, so why wouldn't she be with me?...I'm not trying to be a Bit@# or whatever...I honestly want to know how to overcome this competativeness without having to cut a friendship off!?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on May. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Like a better what? mother? wife?

    Ive not dealt with this. But if she seems to be an awesome person and she encourages you to be better that would be good. if you want to make her feel badly and be jealous than you thats a serious issue/ problem/ not healthy nor kind.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 9:41 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • OP here: I used to not be like this towards her until I found out, and have seen first hand, how she competes with others. I don't know if it sparked rivalry in me or what.
    It's in anything, as petty as it sounds, like gardening, homemaking, etc...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • Well I mean it's cool to see another mom (I have a cousin who is perfect in my eyes- I guess she might NOT be, but she sure looks like it to me) to spur you on. But to try and better another person to make them feel lower than you, is just not right.

    For example, I color my hair. Not because anyone else might like it. Not because it's better, but becuase I choose to for ME. I like it. And so if you are gardening to be better than her, you;re robbing yourself your individuality. its not worth it.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 10:12 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • OP here: I don't even flaunt it, just to know that i'm one upping her is enough...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on May. 2, 2010

  • I am not like that but I know someone who is....the wife of my husband's best friend....Always one upping people even if she can't afford it..like she makes $1200 a month her husband doesn't work yet her truck payment is $500, She HAS TO have wireless internet...she just does not make much money but she has to live the High life..I'm sure her neighbors don't realize that they are living off her student loans.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • Sounds more like self esteem issues and perhaps a touch of OCD. The competition, does not sound like a healthy one since as you stated, it's for all the wrong reasons. Left unchecked, not only will your friendship fall by the way, but so will both of your lives. All for what? Both of you are probably missing out on a lot of friendships that do not happen because others do not want to get caught up in the craziness. I'm sorry for being so blatant, because your both probably really nice people. Self improvement has to be a persoanl thing though, not for the purpous of impressing others.....Otherwise, you've accomplished nothing worthwhile.
    GMMOLLY

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 7:00 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • OP here, I sure as heck don't spend money to one up her..that's like off limits.
    I'm not competative towards anyone but her for some strange reason. I think it's because I know for a fact she's competative with other people, and all my other friends aren't lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on May. 3, 2010

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