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Are you in favor of spouses having alone time from each other?

I use to be in favor of spouses giving each other alone time from each other. Now, i regret it. Alone time has drifted us apart. I do my own activities and so does he. We have our family night outs but we rarely have date night. I don't know anything about him anymore. He has new friends and somehow our schedules could not keep up. I'm affraid this is it... Have you had a similar experience?

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Asked by alejandra559 at 12:19 AM on May. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (699 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • It has always been a fear of mine that if he gets too much free time, the same thing will happen. I'm a home body, so he's the one going out all the time. It's just as important to have alone time with your spouse, without your kids for sure!!! I don't think it's too late if you are both willing to try....go to him and explain what your feeling.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • there are 3 different times that every family needs. Alone time, family time, and mommy-daddy time. you have to balance them all out. Everyone needs some hobbies that are theirs alone but if that side over-takes the time where you 2 spend time together, then you really need to talk it out. You should never become strangers

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:28 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • I do think that time to yourself is important, but time together - with and without the kids - is just as important. I'm not scared that by giving my hubby time to himself, or with his buddies is going to make us drift apart because for all the time we spend on our own interests or with our separate friends, we spend way more time together. And we've cultivated an interest in each other interests. Maybe not to the point of pursuing it ourselves, but enough to be somewhat knowledgable and able to hold a conversation about them, which in turn brings us closer together.

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 12:28 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • how much "alone time" did you have???

    hubby will go out with the guys every 6 mo. or so. I have my "alone time" when the kids are at school and hubby is at work...LOL... so I have mine a lot. But we do date alot.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • Has this been recent or is it an ongoing experience? I definately think it is healthy for married people to have time with their friends as long as it is balanced out and also includes time for you. My husband and I get out for a date night every other week. It is hard to do with kids. I can relate with you though, romance seems to take a back seat sometimes when we have a family. We don't have enough time to nurture ourselves and our relationships and work steals so much of our time. I think women need their "girls" and men need their "buddies" but let him know you need him for one on one time too. The best way to do this? Act sweet and try not to nag (easier said then done-I am guilty of nagging). My mom always said "You can catch more bee's with honey" she was Right. It always works for me when I offer to rub my husbands back and be sweet-even if I think he is being a selfish pig :) it works!

    Answer by flowermom76 at 12:32 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • I have gone to him but if you could see him..he will lay on the couch, watch tv, and become depressed. I hate seeing him that way so i tell him to go, go, go out with his friends. I too go out with the girls. Once a week for happy hour. A week ago, i managed to find a babysitter and arranged for him and I to have a date night. It was nice, but the connection is not there. I felt like i was out with a good friend. Don't give your husband too much freedom because he might let go of it.

    Answer by alejandra559 at 12:33 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • freedom because he might NOT let go of it

    Answer by alejandra559 at 12:34 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • In our situation, we don't have family support for babysitting, and its not cheap to find someone who will babysit two special needs kids at night. AFter four years of not having a date night, we gave up and decided that we would give each other one night a week to destress from the family and routine. This worked for us for the first year but once he made friends with a divorced man, one night turned to two, then three, even tonight, he arrived home from work at 7pm and by 7:10 he said he was going out and would return later. this is too much. I am done talking it out, done bickering, done waiting for him to want to communicate.

    Answer by alejandra559 at 12:41 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • We have during the day to be away from each other....while he's at work. When he's home we're pretty much together. We grocery shop together, run errands together, take walks, cook together, etc.. When our children were at home we spent all of our time together as a family but once they started working and developed social lives we got our social life back. Now that the children are grown we love being able to go out whenever we want....we go to the movies 3-4 times a month, go out to eat more often than that and just basically enjoy hanging out. I don't see why either of us need time apart when he's home from work.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • Having time apart is good for healthy marriages in that you each have a life that is not totally wrapped up in the other person. I think your marriage was probably not healthy to begin with. I don't think that the alone time damaged your marriage--it only allowed you to see the flaw that was already present. It was bound to show up sooner or later, but it's still not to late to work on fixing it.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:13 AM on May. 3, 2010

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