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Any stepmoms have serious problems with their step childs birth mother?

My SS mom is the biggest bitch I've ever met. She constantly bad mouthes both me and my husband. Calls daily and asks for money to take him to Mcdonalds and when we say no, she tells my SS that we hope he starves so we won't give her the money. (we give her 510 dollars a month and she lives with her mom with no bills. she's not hurting). Last weekend, we couldn't get him beacuse on Friday morning, my husbands gma was put into the hospital due to a diabetic coma and my SS's mom tells him that we've decided never to see him again! She constantly hits/slaps him. Calls him stupid. She threatened to call the cops on me beause I was 7 minutes late dropping him off because there was a tornado warning and I waited a few min to leave for our safety. I can't prove she's unfit. Been there done that. My husband and I are so tired of her. How do other stepmoms deal with this? I'm struggling right now and just need help. It's getting bad.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:55 AM on May. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • i was with my ex for 7 yrs. I wasnt actually their step mother but i took care of the kids. I know some people think that there is a difference. Anyways, the mother lived 3 states away and she would get pissed off when the kids would tell her that i took them to get their hair cut or i helped them with homework. I always thought to myself..."if your gonna bitch about it...quit smoking your crack and get down here and take care of your own damn kids" She was good at playing super mom on the phone and acting like she cared but she was full of broken promises.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:07 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • Okay, what she'd doing is called Hostile Agressive Parenting,  which leads to Parental Alienation, and can most certainly be grounds to change a custody agreement...if you DH is willing to fight the fight.  From the sounds of it he'd have one hell of a case and a really great chance.  A guardian ad lietem(a lawyer specially trained in protecting children in custody issues) would see right through mom and a gal's word is practically law to a judge.  DH needs to consult with a lawyer like yesterday and find out.


    Here's an AHP/PA resource site that seems to be a pretty good 'jump off' site to learn about it:  http://www.parental-alienation-awareness.com/


     

    desert_diva

    Answer by desert_diva at 11:21 AM on May. 3, 2010

  • Oh, man, it sounds like a really rough time for you. If you can't get anywhere legally as far as modified custody or even the court telling her she has to stop bad mouthing the other parent, etc, then you are kind of stuck. I think all you can really do is take the high road and your SS will learn in time who is on the right side here. Make sure you are always coutering what she says if he brings it up to you, like "of course you know that we don't want you to starve and we know your mother will feed you, but we give her money every month so that she can do that and we aren't supposed to give her more than that" or "you know we always want to see you but sometimes things come up, you can always call and ask us why we aren't coming and we can fill you in, you know our time with you is special to us" etc. Counter her negativity with positivity and self-esteem building of your own, and NEVER stoop to bashing her ever. GL!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:50 PM on May. 3, 2010

  • I'm a SM, have been for almost 6 years. My husbands ex is a complete nightmare. After all this time, she still talks bad about my husband and myself, blames us for her financial trouble, and even has her kids call her new husband "dad." We spent a LOT of money in court - we still have my skids 50-50. Frankly, most courts don't recognize what this woman is doing to the children and their relationship with their father. At best you can hope she'll get a slap on the wrist. It will cost you a fortune, and the emotional toll will be horrid - not just for you and your husband, but for the kids as well. IMO, (and experience) it's not worth it.

    The best way to handle it is to set a good example for the kids. Don't ever talk bad about their mother. If they are older (6+)?, when they bring up money tell them how much their mother receives. Be honest with them (age-appropriate). Follow the court order to the letter - never deviate.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 5:37 PM on May. 3, 2010

  • Always listen to Scuba. :)

    Also, join one of the many, many step-parenting groups here on Cafemom. There are sooooooooo many stepmoms on here in the same or a similar situation to what you're going through.

    Try this search: http://www.cafemom.com/groups/find.php?keyword=step+parenting
    Avarah

    Answer by Avarah at 5:47 PM on May. 3, 2010

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