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Lieing to your child about who their father is...

I know I am probably going to get nasty responses for this but I do not understand mothers who lie to their kids about who their biological father is. Yes it might be uncomfortable and harder to admit the truth but doesn't a child deserve to know the truth of their conception? I can't understand. I just don't get it. Who wouldn't be devasted if they found out their mother lied to them about this. Why risk the lie, when it just seems like they always find out anyway. Can you give me a sitution besides rape or incest that it is ever good to lie about this?

Answer Question
 
bjane01

Asked by bjane01 at 11:54 AM on May. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,452 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • I agree
    laciD

    Answer by laciD at 11:58 AM on May. 4, 2010

  • I completely agree with you. I dont really understand why women do this. Even if the father is a low life piece of shit who doesnt care about the child I would still tell them who their dad was. If I was with someone who wanted to take on the role of the father I would let the child know, at the right age, that he wasnt their father but he loves them soo much to want to take care of them, not have to.
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 11:58 AM on May. 4, 2010

  • my son was almost 3 when we moved in with my husband. His bio dad just quit calling even though i would practically stalk him to try to keep him in my sons life. My son new his bio dad was his dad but honestly he forgot about him. He asked me around age 3 if my husband could be his dad and of course i told him yes (after asking my dh) My dh is his dad! I will remind him of the story later in his life if he has any questions but i will not remind him throughout his life that his biodad is not around. Why stress your kid out?
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:59 AM on May. 4, 2010

  • I completely agree with you. I would be SOOOOO hurt if one day I found out my dad wasn't really my dad and that my mom had lied to me all these years. In cases of rape of incest, yes it is okay to lie about that because that is a really hurtful and painful circumstance, but I can't think of any other situations. You'll find women on here though that will think its okay, and will ever try to talk women into not telling their husbands that they have doubts that their child is even his!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on May. 4, 2010

  • yes, i agree. i have a friend who is planning on doing this. She had a baby with one guy, then left him (yes while pregnant) for another guy. She wants to tell her son that that the new guy is his dad. Messed up! I cannot even say she is my friend, i used to work with her & we email sometimes still. I told her she is crazy & selfish for doing this to her son. I also told her that it will definitely backfire. She is not thinking about the best interest of her own son, she is only interested in herself & what SHE wants. I feel very sorry for her new born. I believe his REAL dad may bring this to court though, & i really hope he does.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:01 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • I agree OP..and Shay you didnt lie to your child at all. OP is talking about women who never ever tell their kids and will always keep the lie up. If your kid asked again in 5 years you would still tell your child who his bio dad is.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 12:01 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • also if you have never been in this situation then you don't know what you would tell your kids or do.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 12:02 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • well, in my situation...if i had met my husband earlier. I would have lied.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 12:08 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • I was so hurt when i found out that my dad wasnt my real father.I didnt know who to trust.They had lied for so long what else have they lied about? Was my NAME really my name.Am I from this country? Was I really 13? So many things ran in my mind.I ended up running away i was so hurt.I do understand that my dad loved me,but if you love a child so much the truth is way better from the start.The funny thing is...After watching unsolved mysteries I started questioning things. I have never seen my birth certificate.So i asked and asked family members,family friends,friends kids.THEN my mother told me. Why didnt they just tell me when i asked? UUGGGH DONT do it.Its just wrong
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 12:08 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • I also agree it's just not a good idea besides it will not damage a child permanently to hear at a point in their life that their dad CHOSE to be there dad even after they were born. I agree that it isn't something that needs to be revisited regularly, but I don't see a reason to lie.

    My niece was 6 when my brother adopted her and her mother told her that her dad is dead, not true. He is in prison for drug charges. Now one day my brother and SIL freaked out on my mother because my niece said, "Grandma (did NOT specify which one) told me you didn't meet me until I was 2" (true story) The issue was it was my SIL's mom that said it, and come on like a 10 year old doesn't remember having a different last name at 6?! Seriously?! I wanted to slap them both and let them know their daughter has told me more than once that her dad is dead so they aren't fooling anyone.
    kfroz0415

    Answer by kfroz0415 at 12:27 PM on May. 4, 2010

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