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I answered a question the other day from a mom trying to get more parenting time with her daughter, her post read as follows:
"If I have nothing to lose I shouldn't sign a consent judgment, should I?"

I did not bash this mom for her past and I gave her advice just like everyone else...I couldn't help but notice all the STEP-MOM BASHING! which I can't help but take personally, as I'm a step mom to two of our 5 children and I am also a temporary guardian of another child who I would love to adopt. I don't understand how so many of you can criticize the women who have stepped up and have not only taken on the responsibility of these children but giving them patients, understanding and most of all LOVE. We have taken on a role that some birth mothers have just walked away from or lived a lifestyle that was not in the best interest of their child . Their rights as parents were taken away for a reason! Why all the stepmom bashing?


Asked by geminisummerz at 3:08 PM on May. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,808 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I agree! I've asked alot of questions on here and been told that the child is none of my business because I'm not his mother, even though his mother is probably the worst scum on the universe. I hate asking questions because I feel like SOME mothers maybe bitter about their own children having step parents so they take it out on me. Being a stepmom is very hard and something that you don't realize is difficult until you are there. Personally, if I have a Q about step parenting, I will try to just ask certain ppl instead of posting it on this websight.

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 3:15 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • Op here- You can ask me questions anytime...just pm me :) thanks for the support.

    Answer by geminisummerz at 3:37 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • Well kudos to you because you're probably in the minority. Most women don't want to take care of another woman's child. I unfortunately had a terrible step-mom. She was horrifying and there are alot of women who are like that. So good for you and you shouldn't get offended because you're not like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:53 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • I'm a mom and a stepmom, being a stepmom somehow makes me a 2nd class citizen, not sure why...I had nothing to do with the demise of their marriage, didn't even meet my husband until 3 years after their divorce...In the 12 years I've been in my stepson's life I've gone to school meetings, cooked for him, cleaned up after him, did his laundry, bought him gifts, school supplies, been to countless sporting and school events, made sure he brushed his teeth, etc. etc. etc....all the things a parent does during the small amount of time he was with us (every other weekend), yet I am regularly told by his mother that I'm basically the devil. All she has done is drive a wedge in my relationship with my SS. Why it chaps her ass that there is another person on the planet that loves her child is beyond me. Honestly, I think she attacks me because she knows it ticks of Dh. Anyway, yes, I'm the evil stepmoster also.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • I am also a step mom and yes I agree step moms dont get enough credit...I get very dis respected by my hubby tho...I can't say the step kids because they are the children and need guidance but there dad grrrrr does not help me..he lets them walk on me and not put his foot down...I recently lost one of my own children he was just 14 and I am reallllly starting to not want to be in this house cause I cant even grieve right over my OWN son cause I have no yes ladies whats your problem with step mom??? We do what We Dont have to do!

    Answer by thismomrocks4 at 5:16 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • Op here- thanks for all your support ladies at least I know that I'm not alone.

    thismomrocks4- I am very sorry for your loss, my prayers will be with you.

    Answer by geminisummerz at 5:26 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • I don't ask anything about step-parenting of the general population. They don't have a clue what it's like.

    There are quite a few really wonderful step-parenting forums here on Cafemom, though, filled with women who've walked a mile in your shoes and are happy to help from a real-life perspective.

    What I always find funny is that stepdads are treated like demi-gods and stepmothers are treated like the devil.

    Answer by Avarah at 5:38 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • While i'm not a step-mom myself, my older two children have a FANTASTIC step-mom, so for all the good-hearted women who love their step-kids, and treat them like their own, THANK YOU. I've read several posts on here about step-mothers complaining about their step-kids, sometimes even saying they HATE them, and it makes me so thankful that my own children don't have a woman like that in their lives. I suppose it also helps that my divorce wasn't ugly, and I am so very happy my ex husband found a good woman to keep him grounded.

    Although I will say, the negative always shadows over the positive, so maybe some ladies have seen posts like I have and unnecessarily group all step-moms into one category: the evil step mother. I do know a step-mother who crosses the line...tells bio mom that she is NOT the mother of the child, denies her visitations, etc...women like her give the good women a bad name.

    Answer by milfalicious08 at 6:33 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • here's a BIG BIG BIG thank you!!! I am a step mom and when ever I post a question, most of the time I hear "why don't you just back off?"

    I'm raising him, I'm there for him, he lives with us, I'd just like to see the same respect from bm that I give her. Being a step mom is very hard, but I wouldn't trade him for the world :)

    Answer by MrsG423 at 7:52 PM on May. 4, 2010

  • I've never been a stepparent but my husband is. It can be a thankless job and I think it is probably much harder than being a bio mom. When my ex was married I respected his wife and encouraged my boys to be nice to her as she seemed shy.

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:57 PM on May. 4, 2010