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Should I be this mad?

My husband and I just went around because I was a bit upset because he buys "play parts"for his vehicles and I NEED things like a bra or socks or some other essential type thing (I wear these things till they literally fall apart along with all my other clothes). He has been The main financial provider for the last 5 years while I have been a SAHM (thus why I feel obligated to wear everything to rags). He just told me he has always been mad that HE has to buy me clothes. (as in ANY clothes) I don't get it? When I was working I was just as happy to buy him clothes and still not buy for myself.. (we discussed this) Right now I am so mad I just feel like wearing what I got to rags and only getting donated clothes 4 me until im done with school, get my nursing job, and can buy my own clothes. even if this means only having 1-2 outfits. What do I do? I feel so abandoned, I think it's unfair!

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on May. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Wow! That's awful. Did the two of you together decide that you should stay home? Maybe you need to bring this up with him at a time when neither of you are upset. A lot of times men feel attacked if you are upset about his purchase then mention that there are things you need that could/should have been bought with that money. He may also feel like you are saying he isn't a good provider. Have you mentioned to him that you need new clothes recently before he made these purchases? If none of these things are factors, he may just be a jerk. IMO

    Answer by mikeysmom1980 at 1:17 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • If someone loves and cares for you they would want to make sure you have the things you need and would not be selfish my husband buys me and the kids things before he does himself. he is always asking what i need.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:22 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Ya I told him I needed bra's lots of times b4 he keeps buying stuff. Also he wanted me to go to work and NOT be a SAHM but I was not okay leaving my babies (this part has always been a problem) they are still only 3 & 5 but I am going to school full time now to become an RN (he is in school full time too since lay-off.) And it's like he doesn't want to PROVIDE 4 me, just him and the kids. And he always just says he either doesn't think about it (even though I have told him stuff I need) or he cant "go get" it for me (but I would be happy even if he said "hey why don't you go ahead and get .....")

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on May. 5, 2010


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Ahhh. This is his passive aggressive way of getting back at you for not working like he wants.

    Do yourself a favor. Price out child care, and show him what it would cost for you to go back to work. Cold hard numbers tend to smarten men up.

    And if you can, start peeling a few dollars a week out of your grocery budget for yourself.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:43 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • ummm yeah your job is probably harder than his.......I think he needs to spend a day in your shoes, he may feel differently, he is taking you for granted, he should look after his FAMILY not just the kids, begrudging you essentials such as underwear and clothes is not providing especially when he is buying things that are non essential, it couldnt be me, I think you should take a stand and talk about it or it will never change.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 2:27 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • He's a jackass. I wouldn't let anyone treat me that way. Has it always been like this?

    Answer by MizusT at 2:29 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • He just said "he has always "felt"this way" like he feels like he's spending a lot on my clothes but doesn't feel like he spends a lot on his "stuff". I just feel like he is being unfair. i feel like it is both of our money. And apparently he doesn't... We are now both student and he is receiving an extension federal unemployment after his company quit paying (he worked there for 5 years) but I mean if I had a job I would buy him clothes and like doing it but it doesn't seem to be going the other way. I have always not asked much but he JUST said that he has always felt like this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Money is such a huge issue with couples....He isn't being fair at all.

    Answer by MizusT at 2:57 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • I have the other problem when he buys us things he brings it up all of the time if I didn't buy you lunch I would not be broke, hey remember when I bought you those new shoes and the phone bill was late because of it. So I have stopped asking for things from him and now he spends my check as well. He complains and throws it up in our faces and now I am one more year away from graduating college. I would get a job it helps for me now he cannot say look at all of the money I spent on you.


    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 7:30 AM on May. 5, 2010

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