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SAHM. Question about money and how he feels about being the only one that makes the money!

My husband and I both work now and have worked since we got married. I had planned to continue working at least part time when we did have children, but I'm almost 32 weeks pregnant and I can't imagine leaving my baby and want to be there all the time. My husband makes plenty of money that I could stay home and we could be comfortable BUT I don't know how I feel about not bringing any money in because I bring in more than he does now. I've always had my share of the money and didn't have to ask for it or anything like that. So did you go fromw orking to staying at home? How was the adjustment period? My husband says he would love for me to stay at home but I dont' know if I like the idea of feeling like it's his money or that I have to ask for it... Does that make sense?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on May. 5, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (8)
  • It may be that you won't be bringing in money, but you will still be doing a job, unpaid though it is. You'll be able to devote your time to the children and the household. Think about it as sharing the work. Your husband does part and you do part.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 10:51 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Yes, it makes sense, I for many many years felt that way, but after realizing that this union is 50/50 deal I understood that his money was as much his as it was mine. Mind you it took years for me to feel this way, but you shouldn't have to ask, just take, if he had to hire a nanny and someone to take care of his household he would be paying through his teeth to have done what you now do. You adjust for your baby's sake, you need that frame of mind that what is yours is mine. Never make the mistake of asking unless it is a luxury or a big investment then you need to consult with him but not ask permission, just debate it.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:54 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • My husband works more hours and has a better job. So we sacrifice my salary. I did need to work part time as my self esteem needed it. I love my part time job and say it is more than the money. I am in a different situation than you also. I have teens.
    The thing is having to work in a budget is hard, dealing with a spouse that makes all the money is hard. However raising children to be wonderful, honest, well balanced people is much more worth any sacrifice that it takes.
    You can manage the adjustments. I could tell you I went through x,y, and z-- but you may or may not go through the same adjustments. Being a mom and taking care of your baby is the most precious thing there is. If you have a chance and can afford to do it then go for it. Your in a wonderful place. I am happy to tell you that the thought of leaving your child with someone else scarring you is just the beginning of the wonderful road ahead of you. xoxoxo
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 11:04 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • I was straight out of college when we decided to have our first child. I know that my husband is proud of himself for providing the life we have. I am also very proud of him. He is a great husband, father, and provider. We have never had an issue with him thinking its "his" money. We share everything. There is no "his" or "hers" in our family. By being a stay at home mom what you are providing for your child is more important than any paycheck.
    laciD

    Answer by laciD at 11:12 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • i know for me its heart breaking, ya know people get it in their heads that military make a lot of money. Well they do not. I stay at home with the baby. I'm actually waiting for the police academy to open back up so I can work, but yes know I'm doing a job, but I feel sad when I can't bring in any money to help. Thee are always work at home stuff you might be able to get into as well. Good luck girl and wish you the best.
    Lucky120

    Answer by Lucky120 at 11:14 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • I agree with older, except it didn't take me many years to get over it. I was over it after the first few months of being home with two newborns :)

    The hardest part is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and to totally trust your husband. This honestly brought us closer together after we were married. We loved each other and of course trusted each other beforehand, but this required me to let go of my safety net, which was work, to stay home to raise and nurture the children that we brought into this world together.

    We both appreciate each other so much more now. We are both working for "the family" instead of ourselves as individuals.

    I would advise you to get a joint checking account if you don't have one already, as this will eliminate the need for either to ask for money. You also need to make a budget and start living on it now to see if this is feasible, and make sure that you are both happy with the sacrifice
    twin_mommy

    Answer by twin_mommy at 11:18 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • I went from working full time to being a stay at home mom. I have always worked since I turned 16. I was even a single mom for 9 years and worked to take care of myself and my son. I always had my own money.I understand that feeling of needing and wanting to have your own money. So when we decided that I would stay home with our baby girl, I decided I would try to make money from home. I decided to start babysitting. I don't make a whole lot, and definitley not what I was making when I was working out of the house but it is enough that I do contribute to the household, if I need to buy something personal I have the money for it and I don't have to ask him for money (that is something I just can not stand,lol) and I get to stay home with the kids now. I love it, I really do. Would I like to have more money?Sure would! But wouldn't trade this for anything in the world! Good Luck and Congratulations on baby! :)
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:51 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • It's not "his" money. It belongs to both of you. You are married and have been joined as one. Your baby needs you. Not a daycare worker that cares for your kids as it's just another job, but you. That is more important than money.

    I was a high school teacher before becoming a SAHM. The first 6 months are an adjustment, not money wise, but you have this weird anxious feeling because you aren't in a tug of war trying to balance marriage and work any more. After that 6 months though you fall into a comfortable rhythm. We have to cut back on lots of things in order for me to stay at home, but the money stress is a lot less than the stress I brought home as a working woman. I can now devote all of me to our marriage, home, and children. You can't place a dollar amount of quality time like that.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 12:55 PM on May. 5, 2010

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