Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

difficult daughter

My 14 year old keeps drawing on her clothes, shoes, also the latest using a pin to scratch a heart and the initials of a boy she currently likes into her hand and then going over it with marker ( i guess her idea of tatoo's) . She also asked for secod ear piercing to which I said no and she pierced her ear herself. I made her take it out but low and behold going to school the other day she had sneakily put it back in. She is secretive and difficult. I know we all gave our own parents a little hell but I get so frustrated about her destroying new clothes and always having ink on her body! Am I over- reacting - I fight this battle along with the inappropriate texting one.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on May. 5, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • First off find out if she has other problems. Talk to your doctor and get an appointment with a counselor. From there if she is just being a brat. Take away everything,but her mattress and one weeks clothes. then she had to do chores. Like laundry and mending her clothes.

    oldermomof5

    Answer by oldermomof5 at 11:09 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • no, you're not over-reacting. my 16 year old sis does the same thing. One time she colored part of her hair with a red sharpie. She draws on her shoes, sticks safety pins in her shirts, and even sometimes in her wrist...So currently, she's failing English, has 2 tickets (driving a car w/o insurance or a license), has court because of it, and my dad has to pay $3000 dollars for the telephone pole she broke when she wrecked my car...I guess what I'm trying to say is, you probably need to keep an eye on her, and try to talk to her about everything that's going on and what you think about what she's doing
    AirForceWife14

    Answer by AirForceWife14 at 11:10 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • tell her thats fine if she wants to destroy her clothes but from now on you will be taking her school shopping at the thrift store because you will not pay high dollar prices for something she is just going to destroy
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 11:10 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Well in all honesty I think she is pretty normal. HOwever I would stop her at the scratching thing and the markers. I would have to take her to the dr and have the dr expalin the health complications in that. Some how your gonna have to find a common ground with this child.
    It is hard to not have any say in your life. My daughter wrote on her self for a while too and drew on her clothing. Heck I remember writing on my jeans too.I told my daughter that writing on her self looks dirty that I didn't like it. However it is her body so go ahead.
    Remember to praise her too, remember to notice that she is considerate, or kind or gets good grades. She is 15 now and I said to her the other day I know your going through a lot now and if you need something ask. I want to make it easier for you. The thing is kids are growing up and things are changing. Keep talking to her, and ease up a bit. Try not to be against her.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 11:13 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • That is a tough one. The kids these days are so different. My cousin is young and loves to write on the clothes send dirty pics over the phone and carve names of boys in her flesh. I think its just all the rage..... : ) No it is serious and maybe make an appointment with a person you can talk to on your own and get some advise before draging your child into it. Maybe someone can give you tips and if they don't work then try the next step. I would try not to step on toes, but still keep being the mother. Hard to do I know. When I was young my mother thought I was crazy, and would fight with me. I wasn't doing anything wrong so I shut down ever talking to her because she would blow up on the smallest thing. I think alot of parents think that a lot more is going on then what the outside appearance is saying. Keep trying and I hope everything works out.
    Savymom25

    Answer by Savymom25 at 11:23 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • I think you really have to pick your battles, since teens naturally rebel as they try to gain independence and discover who they are you have to really decide what is worth a fight. To me, the clothing thing isn't worth it. That is just appearance. Yes you bought the clothes but she has to wear them, so just tell her she can get clothes whenever you would normally buy them, for back to school or birthdays or whatever, but if she writes on them, etc, she will have to keep them until the next time you get her new clothes. To me, your job is to work on the things that are safety issues, etc, like with the cutting that could be indicative of emotional problems, or the inappropriate texting that could come back to haunt her later. The trick is talking to her like more of an adult, maybe try asking her why she thinks this is ok, or what she would say if a friend of hers was doing something similar. (con't)
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 11:56 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Of course you have to enforce rules and consequences as well but save it for the really important stuff and try to leave some wiggle room with the other "finding herself" stuff. I realize she is 14 and not 17 and there is a big difference. If everything is a battle I fear it will alienate her. When I was this age I went thru a phase where I was interested in Wicca, and instead of my Christian mother freaking out like I expected, she bought me some books on the topic which I thought was really cool of her. But she was still strict about things like not letting me ride in cars with friends yet, and when I got caught doing just that I was grounded. Good luck- the teen years can be so trying! Hang in there!
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:00 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • my kids are not that old yet, but from experience growing up, let her be who she wants she will hopefully grow out of this phase and the whole buying new clothes thing, make her get a job and buy her own clothes, or get her clothes at a garage sale or second hand store that way your not spending full price on something she is just going to distroy. just a suggestion
    BUDDHASBABY1

    Answer by BUDDHASBABY1 at 1:31 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • My now 17 yo dd used to write on her clothes and shoes all the time. I pissed me off so bad. She would also write on herself. She said it wasn't to make me mad, but she sure knew it did. All the time we would fight over how many and how late she was texting, I did say it was ok for the second hole in her ear, after all I did my second and third ones myself, so I was just glad she went some where to have it done. Anyway, the point I am trying to make is she out grew it. Scratching herself is not good, harming your self in anyway is not good. The grades also not good. It is important to pick your battles. Which of yours do you really feel are worth the fight? Grades, yes, hurting herself yes. the earrings? Well.. it may be easy to give her that one if she give you something?. JMO
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 4:23 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • discontinue the texting option on her phone... call the service provider and have them turn it off. I did that - I know it can be done. only buy her cheap or used clothing until she stops. perhaps family counseling.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on May. 5, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Teens (13-17)
troubelig teen

Next question overall (Just for Fun)
How much does living cost...

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN