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My mother...........

My mother has a really big mouth. She doesn't have an off button or even a filter. She says things that should never be said and things that hurt other people. How do I approach her to stop? She has been this way my whole life and has said a few times that I am too sensitive. I think that is crap, if it hurts and should not have been said than that is a problem I don't care how sensitive you are. She talks about people BADLY behind their backs and then acts like sunny sunshine to their faces. She even talks about my mothering skills and how my child dresses. She almost NEVER says anything nice to me it is always "why are you doing this "or"you should do it this way". I understand that sometimes there is a better way but I feel like I have never done anything right in her eyes. I have talked to her in the past but she doesn't listen she just keeps the comments coming. I am not the only one she hurts what do I do.

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Savymom25

Asked by Savymom25 at 11:32 AM on May. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 13 (964 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • my mom cant keep a freakin secret to save her life. i hate it. i wont tell her anything that i do not want the world to know. she has to call everyone and tell them everything. right now, because of her mouth, my sister and grandmother are not talking to me. the hardest part is my sister has two boys that i love so very much and miss everyday. i dont get to see them. all because my mom cant keep her mouth shut. she is so nice to her friends or strangers at the store, but she is a totally different person at home to her family.
    i am sorry you are going thru this with you mom. : ( i know how you feel, and it sucks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Honestly I don't know if she will ever change. Maybe next time she starts in on something interrupt her and say "ok, mom I have heard enough about that, how about we talk about .....(introduce new topic) now?" . Maybe if you do this often enough she will get the hint. Or get frustrated that you are not listening to her tirade and give up.
    Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:44 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Well since talking to her doesn't help, how about writing her a heart felt letter. No bashing and no pointing fingers but letting her know how her behavior has hurt you. If writing a letter is ou t of the question, then maybe you need to either handle her with a long wooden spoon or ignore her...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 11:45 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • You can't change another person's behavior. You can let her know how you feel but chances are she will just continue to do what she does. Some people are just like that & unfortunately some of us are related to them.
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 11:52 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • Honestly, I don't think you can do anything about it. Sometimes people are stuck in their ways. It is not about you being sensitive it is just how you feel. Some people hurt for diffrent reasons and her speaking like that hurts you.

    I learned my daughter said she gets hurt or is afraid to tell me things because I make things worst. I am just trying to protect her, but honestly I made school worst for her, now I am taking her out because it didn't get any better. Next time I need to figure out a way to help her without hurting her. I learned the hard way.

    I am willing to change is my point, if they don't believe something is wrong or they are hurting you. You can not change them. Trust me, just try to ignore it, and mediatate when she does it. I mean just focus on things around you, and tape your finger on your pants or the table lightly-toon her out when she acts that way. It will avoid conflict good luck. I do it.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:54 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • kfree907 continued
    Tap your finger lightly.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:55 AM on May. 5, 2010

  • unless you get a bunch of people to support you and second you call for change she will not admit the issue she has and put the blame back on you. why cant you talk to your sister and her kid just because you mom? what did she tell them? i would personally just give her an ultimatum (never works but you dont have to be around her negativity) and when she broke it i would cut her out of our lives for at least a few months.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:19 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • If she has been this way your whole life, I doubt she will change. Each time she says something harsh, tell her rude and interesting are NOT the same thing.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:57 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • have you ever asked her WHY she says these things? Try to look at things from her view, then if you can understand why she does it, it might help you discuss to her why it hurts you. When talking to her about your feelings it is very important to always use "I" statments and feelings. If she won't give it up and it hurts you that much, then you must to tough love and walk away. When you won't speak to her for a ong time she will get the point and change or except that fact that you can't be in her life if she continues to hurt you. I had to do this with my sister. It's hard but you have to put you and your kids first.
    Vins_mom09

    Answer by Vins_mom09 at 1:07 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • well you could do a few things, tell her ONCE AGAIN.. lol about what all she is doing. you could just ignore her comments and go about your business or you could just completely ignore her all together and tell her you dont want to talk to her or see her till she has something nice to say. your children dont need all that gossip and negativity around gl
    BUDDHASBABY1

    Answer by BUDDHASBABY1 at 1:17 PM on May. 5, 2010

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