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Am I being ungrateful? What would you do if you had a mother inlaw like this?

For my birthday yesterday, my mother inlaw bought me a comforter set for my bed which wasn't my style. I pretended to like it, but I was planning on exchanging it. When I left she went and put it on my bed, so now I'm stuck with it. At Easter time she bought my daughter a bed skirt that did not match her room, I told her that I wasn't planning on putting a bed skirt on her bed, she got mad at me and put it on anyways. She frequently buy decorative things for my house that I don't like, we just have different syles. I try to be apprciative, but really I'm annoyed. I think she's just being controlling and wants me to decorate my house her way.

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Asked by prettybaby1 at 12:22 PM on May. 5, 2010 in Home & Garden

Level 9 (181 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • You can still return it even if she opened it (at most places).

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 12:23 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • But then when she comes over, she will see that it isn't on your bed.

    Answer by mom2twingirl797 at 12:25 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • The only thing I can think of is to firmly say that is not what you want to do and ask her not to bring anything else decorative for your house. If she puts it on your bed, your daughter's bed or on your wall, take it off and hand it back. It sounds rude, and under other circumstances would be, but she threw down the gauntlet by putting a comforter set on your bed and then put the bed skirt on your daughter's bed. I doubt she'd be so kind if you went into her house and started decorating to your taste. Maybe your husband could say something if she won't listen to you. A lot of controlling MIL's will only listen to their sons.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:25 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • Mine is a little like that too. There is nothing you can really do about it. I wouldn't say anything. It will only create more problems. Good luck!

    Answer by mompam at 12:26 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • Well smile and say thank you. If you really want to open up this can of worms then say I really can not pretend any longer that we have the same style. I don't really want to offend you however I want to pick out the things I put in my personal space. You are extremely kind to notice that I would need a new comforter and I would love one. Just not this particular style or color. I have a mother in law and a mother too, neither of them purchases any thing for me. Neither of them even knows what I would need. So as difficult as it may seem that she is a blessing--she is. Your lucky to have someone who wants to be apart of your life. Some parts do require a delicate dance. So instead of insulting her thank her, massage her. She is new at this game? Perhaps she thinks every one loves her style. LOL don't we all? As her to go shopping with you? Try to build a bond and enjoy your mil. Go gently my friend.


    Answer by mmmegan38 at 12:27 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • Be honest - why suffer in silence? You can tell her honestly in a nice way and if she is still offended that is her problem - but don't feel obliged to take things you do not want. If it was me and I told her I didn't need a skirt for my daughter and she still put it on I would take it off, offer for her to have it back and if she didn't accept I would give it to charity.

    Answer by keyaziz at 12:27 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • my bff;s mom does this to her all the time. good thing one of them lives in TX and the other in OH~ she (the bffs mom) will move her furnature, redo closets, etc.. telling michelle how she did it wrong --- well that isnt the moms house! she doesnt have to live there! i would be sure to get rid of the comforter. return it. bury it burn it. whatever... vent your fustration with her by cutting it into cleaning rags... lol (wouldnt that be fun! ) then do the same with the bed skirt.... tell dh to ask her to respect you home and style and not to move things or change things w/o your permission... if you want to say something to her. go ahead. she has absolutely no right to do that. it is rude, intrusive, passsive-aggressive and you dont have to stand for it.

    Answer by AmaliaD at 12:30 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • I'd tell her ever so politely, that you appreciate her buying you something new for your home, but it's not your taste. Tell her that if she wants to buy you something new for your house, could she give you a gift card so you could pick it out yourself, or could you go shopping together? My MIL used to by me clothes for Christmas and one year she bought me these awful old lady clothes. One of the outfits even matched one she bought herself!! My MIL is an attractive woman, but she's 35 years older than I am and I don't share her clothing tastes. I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so I told her they didn't fit ( well it wasn't a lie, they didn't fit my style, LOL) and I exchanged them. I kept one blouse that wasn't too bad. Since then, she just gives me money for my birthday and for Christmas so I can buy my own things.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 12:52 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • My FIL is the same way. He just buys random shit and gives it to me to put in our house...but he is like that...he wants to be in control of everything, including how my house looks. I'm not even nice to him about it anymore because I know exactly what he's doing, but in your case, I would just politely tell your MIL that you are going to exchange it for a different one you saw. I think most people would rather you get something you like then secretly hate the thing they bought you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • You need to talk to you husband about establishing boundaries with HIS mother. Everybody sometimes gets things that are not to their taste. They normally smile and say thank you and move along. But "When I left she went and put it on my bed" that is crossing over a line. And your husband needs to explain that to her very firmly. There is no reason in the world that you should be feeling ungrateful when she is stepping on you like that!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on May. 5, 2010

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