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What would you do?

I have 2 kids- girl 15 and boy 7. I have been divorced for 5 years and I have had a boyfriend for 3 years. We just decided to get married and we told the kids 2 weeks ago. My boyfriend and my kids were getting along great until I announced I'm getting married. The older one reacted bad and the little one tends to do whatever his big sister does. She didn't come home from school last week, she went to her father's house and she's been there for 5 days now. She refuses to come home and her dad can't really have her stay there because he travels a lot. Actually he's not really an involved parent. I know I am the mom and I should be able to make her come home, but she's the kind of kids that would carelessly run away from home just to show her opinion. My ex doesn't want the kids more than 2 weekends a months "due to his scheadule" so what do I do?
Any suggestion will do.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on May. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • I don't know I would bring in some help. Maybe a family counselor can give you some advice. It sounds like you need to work things out a little better before you get married or you're going to have a tough time with the kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • Id bring her home. She doesnt have a say in your happiness and as a teen she is just being well...a snotty teen.

    Talk it out with her get her opinion about why she thinks boyfriend is good but new husband is bad. If she's been ok with him for the last few years there is no real reason she should be this upset.

    If she wants to talk to a counselor(or if you do too or together)then go for it. But you cant let her be in charge and overrun your happiness.
    Amaranth361

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 8:38 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • What I would do is have a family talk (without your df). Discuss they reasons on why they dont want you to get married. Also make a chart with pros and cons of getting married. Discuss what changes there would be and how it would benefit them as well. The next day or so I would have another family talk but this time with your df. Have your kids express their reasons on why they dont want him to marry you. All you can do is talk it out and do what you want to in the end, wether they agree or not, but it is their lives too! GL
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 8:44 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • Tell your boyfriend that the wedding will have to be put on hold until you work things out with you daughter... she NEEDS to know she comes before him. 15 is a VERY hard age... then to add to it a mom getting married... it is a lot for a kid to deal with. I have a 15 yr old daughter AND went through my parents divorcing when I was 15. MAKE SURE she knows that SHE is your top priority.... see if she will talk to you. If not then see if she will go to counseling with or with out you. Also you could go separate from her to get some tools to handle the merging of this new fella and your family.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 PM on May. 5, 2010

  • Ok, old school mom here. My kids are 24 19 16 4 and 3. You have been with this man for 3 yrs, it is not like you met him last week. Princess is having a good ole fashioned temper tantrum. This is now a battle of wills...who will mommy pick a.k.a. love more...me or him? You are an adult and have a right to a loving relationship. If all was well before the announcement it will get better when you let her know you love her, but you will not put up with disrespect! Tell her you are there for her, she is allowed to express her feelings and concerns in a respectful way and you will listen...but don't let her treat you or your man with disrespect, it will only get worse. He is not replacing her dad...no one ever could, but you have a right to have love too.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:18 AM on May. 6, 2010

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