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My husband wants me to get an abortion.

Hello Cafe Mom I am a 21 year old mother of an beautiful 2 year old. I just found out that I'm pregnant with my second child! I tell my husband and he tells me "even though I want another child, we are just not ready!" I want to keep the child but clearly he doesn't. He also said " I know you probably think I'm being heartless or thinking I don't love you which is not the case whatsoever it's just too soon" I want to make my husband happy and not let him tell me ohh he's ready when going to his friends and saying otherwise... What would you do if you were in my shoes? Srry I didn't know what catergory to put this in :(

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:59 AM on May. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (21)
  • I would tell him no if you don't want to abort it. It's your choice, and not all kids come at the perfect time, he could have refrained from having sex if he didn't want a child to be produced from it. If all you care about is pleasing him and making him happy, go ahead and abort it, but I don't think you would have asked on here if that's how you felt. He's not going to tell his friends that he told you to abort it... Unless he really is heartless.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:03 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • I'd keep it. I think if u get an abortion u might start to resent him. Its ur body and he will love it when he sees it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Let me answer from experience. If you allow him to talk you into an abortion you don't want, you may never forgive him, or yourself. An abortion is a tough choice and an emotional experience, even if you do are the one who wants to end the pregnancy or believe it to be necessary (such as for health reasons). To do so when you want the baby can really mess you up psychologically and destroy the family you already have.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Dear one please check out this site. Yes it's christian based, but there are many women on here that come from all walks of life. This group is non judgemental. They have been where you are right now. It might help you to see what it has done other women. http://www.rachelsvineyard.org/index.htm

    oldermomof5

    Answer by oldermomof5 at 6:16 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • I would keep the baby, because of my own beliefs and values, I have two children and even though i do not want another child and have an IUD things happen. if i were to get pregnant i would still keep it and love it. Having had children i do not think i could ever just terminate a life growing inside me. I think it is a personal choice, Do not do this because your husband wants it. think about this, until he is ready would you keep having abortions every time you get pregnant or is this a one time thing? how many times before he is ready? I would have a serious talk about it. IF you cross that line you can never go back, i personally would not be able to forgive myself. but if you really cannot take care of the child and it would have a horrible miserable life and not existing would be better then go for it. I am not saying that to be mean. I just think, isn't a chance at life better then no chance at all?
    TaiM

    Answer by TaiM at 6:59 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Your husband is wrong to be putting that on you. if you're ready that's all that matters. He'll get over it and be happy with the baby even if he wasn't ready, and if he doesn't than he's no good anyway. I personally think abortion is not an option.
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 7:55 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • He's probably freaking out about being a young father w/ 2 kids. Men see kids differently than we do, they are a responsibility, take up $$$ & your time, keeps you from being able to focus more on hubby w/ 2 kids instead of 1. Take him w/ you to the dr's appt so he can hear the heartbeat, this will make it more real for him. Talk to him about how much he loves the one you already have. Listen to what his concerns & fears are. Don't get an abortion, now that I have one I could never abort, I would think about it everytime I looked @ my dd & would feel like s&^% that I didn't allow her to have a sibling and had denied myself the love a 2nd would bring in. Good luck!
    Nyx7

    Answer by Nyx7 at 8:05 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • If i really wanted to keep the child i would tell him to find a way to deal with it. He cannot make you have anabortion.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:38 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • I was in your shoes once. I was 19 and had two kids, 1yr old and 2yr old. I got pregnant again and my husband told me to get an abortion because we couldn't afford it. I didn't want to do it, but then I got to thinking and so I did have an abortion. Let me tell you something it was the most horrifying thing I ever went through. While I was having the abortion the doctor was talking to his wife and asking her if all the baby was out yet, I was 3mths. That horrific day well never leave me. I think about it almost every day and that baby would be 13 this year. My idiot of husband regrets it till this day. The day that I had the abortion he drove me there, he had just got out of a 16hr work shift and he was really tired. He told me while he was in the waiting room he fell asleep and thought it was all a dream, but guess what it wasn't. I suggest to you that you make the decision and don't let anybody make it for you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on May. 6, 2010

  • Would you murder for your husband? That's what abortion is. You might as well kill your two year old. Same difference.
    SaraP1989

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 10:24 AM on May. 6, 2010

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